Didn't Ask
A Spoken Word Piece About a Black College Girl Suffering from PTSD After a Physical Assault
I didn’t ask to feel this way.
I didn’t ask to only see grey.
I didn’t ask to bear this weight.
I didn’t ask to be in this state.
But you know? No one asked me.
No one asked what happened to your glee?
What happened to the Selena that used to laugh at the little things?
Wait, I haven’t even heard her sing.
I haven’t seen her smile.
I haven’t seen her at a party in a while.
She used to start the conversation.
But, now she’s more worried about “when is graduation?”
I can’t say it’s new to feel left out.
I can say it’s new to feel with out.
Without trust of anyone around me.
Without understanding these feelings that surround me.
I feel lost
and like my feelings continually get tossed.
Ya’ll don’t understand
but I feel like I’m in quicksand.
I take careful steps everyday.
And then out of no where I feel betrayed.
I feel the emotions from that day
and there is just no way I can escape.
I try to smile and act like it's okay.
I try to act like I don’t feel like I’m fading away.
Like I’ve lost that strong person I used to be.
And I’m stuck in this trap and there is no way to break free.
I let myself be ignored.
While others get adored
for slacking on their duties
while I’m doing above and beyond truly.
Like I said I’m confused about my emotions.
Why I just sit here and let myself get more broken.
It is the little things
and then suddenly I can’t breathe.
I get annoyed so easily
but my situation needs to stay in secrecy.
So I continue to let people step on me
cause what’s that one little black girl in the way of your laughing spree.
Who cares if I suffer alone?
Who cares if this back injury will always make me groan?
You didn’t care yesterday.
So leave your feelings at bay.
I’m just taking off this fake mask.
But, wait, why am I talking… You didn’t ask.
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