Fresh, this is fresh. I feel myself cooling. Cooling down to meet you, Algor. My first love. But I rush into you too fast and it doesn't feel like this can go anywhere as it is.
It feels like only hours pass and I find myself drifting from you, Algor and instead I find new commitment in Rigor. Rigor holds me like you didn't, and I feel secure. But I seize up. I am contorted and uncomfortable. My limbs are twisted and distorted.
I'm with you Rigor but my heart doesn't beat for you. It doesn't beat for anyone anymore and it chews me up inside. I no longer have integrity. I have lost my structure. I only have my Flies but even they give me a bad feeling in my gut. Perhaps they can keep me company like you can't Rigor?
****
Maybe I find myself within this sense of bloat? I'm growing and growing and maybe this is how I learn to grow up? How do I learn to stop eating myself up inside? I am stretching and tearing my skin to meet the pressure I am under.
I notice a new love making its way into me. I never noticed this hole before. I no longer require my structure for cells and soft tissues. Not when I have my insects.
My skin slips off and I show you all that I am. I expose myself to the beauty that is the environment and I purge into you.
****
The environment welcomes me. I give everything to you. I decay in the masses to try to prove how I can be good enough for you. I give you an island. I will give you anything I can—everything that I am. I actively respond to your requests but I read you wrong. I always read you wrong.
We are left alone together and I think that maybe this can work. The flies and maggots have left us... so maybe we can work this out? You and I on our island? It sounds like a beautiful life. But I collapse under the pressure.
****
But I don't give you what you need. I'm not what anyone needs. Your organic love for me suffers and dies. I'm too acidic you tell me. I'm too much. I'm toxic. I'm killing you.
Our love dies off and I can't help but beg for you to return. I want to will you back to your comforting greenery, not this silent brown.
****
You all took from me whatever you wanted and I willingly gave you everything and more. I'm skeletonized. I'm nothing more than bleached bone.
****
You have everything.
About the Creator
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