My eyes have so much weight after crying, my dear raven
You can have them all
You were once my biggest dream, of soft colors, cuddles and kisses
You gave me scars, scares and sadness
As a young raven, a boy with dark raven eyes, so heavy and sad
Angry is better than crying
Pain is better not free from its bonds
I can't save you, though I loved you
I still love you
No soft colors
Just warm frothy torture sitting on the stove
From when your mother left it burning in the back
You kept making me eat your leftover transfer of trauma
If forever, if not eternity than for too long
You say you're tired of me, for 1,000’s of old recorded radio I heard this as you never let me go
Why lose your favorite toy to break?
To make and shake and rip and love?
I advance to you like a dreamer who remembers you as a young raven
Frantic for love but getting pain
I start to shed my soft colors and become gray
Gray and black and yellow
But not cheery yellow, dingy, and dirty yellow
You mock me for survival
You can't heal when your abuser pays all your bills
I take the following train
Deep down to Sheol
Hell is a better friend than you have been
And heaven wants me to repent
I will send my regards in a letter to you for a dear raven love,
When I first loved you, so much without knowing you
When I loved you as a monster, a violent raven
When I love you now
& everything that hurts before you resurrected again without any care or worry
You brought out the raven in me
Restricted and whipped
About the Creator
Melissa Ingoldsby
I am a published author on Patheos,
I am Bexley by Resurgence Novels
The Half Paper Moon on Golden Storyline Books for Kindle.
My novella The Job and Atonement will be published this year by JMS Books
Comments (1)
"Just warm frothy torture sitting on the stove From when your mother left it burning in the back You kept making me eat your leftover transfer of trauma" Gosh these lines were so freaking mindblowing! I also loved the line where we can't heal if our abuser pays all our bills. Loved your poem Merly!