Dear Handicap

Dear Handicap,

There are so many things I want to tell you.

There are so many times I want to yell and scream.

But all of my body is fighting with each other because it wants to fight you too.

It wants to be able to tackle you like a football team

Handicap

Why have you allowed yourself to live a full life.

I try, but my mind always reminds me of my limits

And my heart always wants to say you are independent

I feel like I am caged inside my own body

I feel like I need the right key to let me out

The doctors are holding that key

But only laughter comes out while they watch.

I think my insurance is trying to tiptoe away because of you.

I think my last few jobs fell apart because of you

What became of you?

What is becoming of you?

You are like water where every year you are poured in a worse glass.

Where the students nowadays just want to laugh and say I have no business in their class.

Handicap, why did you do this to me?

The only thing you helped me with was to understand others' frustration.

To understand the creative mind of someone who is different.

To know why people stare and the rude things they are thinking

They put you down and tear you apart just because they can see what makes you different when at the same time if we could look inside we would find a hole where their soul should be. Maybe we would find a black heart because of how crude they seem.

Handicap. Why are you doing this to me? I am soaking up the pain from so many peoples woes, and if that is the case then our planet is poisoned with negativity. Our planet is covered in yellow tape and glass ceilings. I wish it was easy to break through but they created a long staircase just to get to that ceiling and well.

I am still trying to figure out a way to get up there. A way for life to be fair.

Handicap. Sometimes I wonder how it feels to be normal, but now I have realized that I just want to know how it feels to be accepted in a population that is polluted.

I hope you know the pain hurts and there are times where doors opened for some are locked for me. I am waiting for the key while the doctors think this is funny. While people act like I have an STD. They can’t catch this. Trust me. You only had eyes for me. In my mother’s ovaries you caught me while I was trapped and couldn’t move.

Handicap. I know I have upset you. That is the best part about this. You thought you were going to stop me from living at all, but I have learned how to pick a few locks. I have learned how to mold my own keys so handicap. Just know I only love that part that allows me to fight you. I will never stop fighting. You may have caged a piece of me, but handicap, you forgot one thing. You have to lock all of me.

Sincerely,

Handicapable Black Woman