Dear Aquarius

Dear Aquarius,

You know who you are.

Without even saying a word you know it is you.

I have written you letters before.

None quite as hard as this.

I have no words for you.

I loved you.

With all my heart I loved you.

You never loved me.

I was just an object for you.

To manipulate.

To abuse.

To lie, cheat, and steal from.

To do things that I don't like to talk about.

Because I get called delusional or unhinged.

I've never quite written a letter like this.

We used to be best friends.

You were my person.

Do you remember when we used to watch lightning together?

Do you remember all the long drives we took together?

Maybe you do.

I'm just reminiscing like I normally seem to do.

I am hurt by your actions.

I am wounded by the bullets you tried to fling my way.

I can never look at you the same.

I tried to forgive you.

Believe me.

I have spent so many years loving you.

To realize everything was all one big lie was devastating to say the least.

I try to warn people about you now that I see the pattern in your abuse.

So other people can protect their hearts from the monster that I created.

The chaos in my heart from loving you even more than I loved myself is too much to bear.

How am I supposed to heal?

Do you have a definition of what my healing is supposed to look like?

Baby, don't even text me.

I have no more words for you.

Funny what time does to most things.

Hindsight is 20/20 but you've got perfect vision.

I see you so clearly.

For everything you pretend to be and more.

For the false promises and empty lies.

For everytime you said I loved you and didn't mean it.

I have no more words left for you.

I'd rather write to someone else.

Someone who didn't hurt me.

Someone who didn't lie to me.

Someone who didn't use me.

You don't deserve my words.

And I never thought I would find clarity in the way I feel about you before.

The lies you tell were meant for another forgiving heart.

Mine is sewn up tight when it comes to you.

I am sorry things had to be this way.

We need to go back to the start for it to make sense.

I don't forgive you.

Believe me when I said I tried.

I deserve to feel like a loser for the rest of my life.

I still love you but it's not the same.

It will never be the same.

Yours truly,

Your ex-almost-wife,

Chloe Rose Violet