Control

My breath smell of coffee and gum

My stomach feels completely cleaned from the inside out.

The feeling is excruciating, I love it.

The emptiness hurts but it’s filling at the same time. I tell myself that this is what I deserve.

I cannot bare to stop now, it is too late. I am already lost. Honestly I feel like I lost myself a long time ago, now is just when it starts to sink in.

Did I take things too far?

When I look in the mirror, I remember how I used to think, “I’m never gonna get like that, that’s sick”.

What are others thinking? how do they just live? How do they not worry? How?

Why can’t I stop worrying?

When I hear my parents arguing, I laugh to myself. A normal person would feel sad. But I am happy. I am happy because I think this is worth it.

I will become skinny.

I will. Whether they like it or not.

I will be perfect.