Color of Me

in my mind

I am the color of a raging storm at sea,

the color of thalassophobia.

a plea for calm on an altar of change

I ask not to be bathed in sun

but to be plunged in pitch black water.

I am the color of lightning, blue fire.

a warrior drowned in the shadows of my predecessor

I make my name

fighting through the chasms of rot

the rut of circling,

circling the spiral of trauma.

I grow my own sunflowers

along the train tracks

where only the breeze will disturb them.

I am the color of clotted blood

bubbling in clogged drains.

find my comfort in the dark of sewers

and evolve my voice by speaking in whispers,

speaking soft to the small bones of rats

with rusted nails pierced through my tongue.

I am pastel gore.

I am who I am from years of pouring

heart into words onto paper.

I am not like them.

I am happiest under the ocean

surrounded by deep sea monsters.

I am happiest covered in the blood of ink

and soul, vulnerable to the world.

I am happiest protecting my sunflowers.

I confront change with a battle cry

and lightning.

I take your hand in mine

and I know every piece of me

is loved.