Coalescence

The scope of restfulness;

Coalescence,

Resilience,

Enveloping silence -

Can’t be eternal,

There has to be meaning

In this.

Cannot always live in abyss,

Receiving

These messages.

My peace

Will have to be earned.

No longer concerned,

I keep on deciding,

Dividing

What’s real and not.

There is no god.

There is, however, this energy,

Akin mental surgery,

That cures all lethargy,

And makes me a prodigy.

Me, slightly confused,

Someone who refused

All the comforts;

Despite my best efforts,

I’ll always be me.

I want to roam free,

And find inspiration

In birds.

They could be my gods,

My genealogy,

The family tree,

To heal my frustration.

There is one of them,

We meet every morning.

Such beauty and glory,

She’s always alone.

Some things set in stone…

Powerful,

Mindful,

Tired, or stressed?

I can’t be obsessed

With someone that sure.

She is so pure.

Can that be a sign?

I’ll take the walk slowly,

And go with the flow.

My peace is benign.

I look at mosaics

In mosques,

The patterns in murals.

My mind’s epidural

Is art; its relics,

All that’s picturesque.

Obscenely grotesque

And methodical,

Sly, philosophical,

Meaningful, wonderful…

Choosing the pieces

That fit every time,

While painting sublime

Reminiscence.

What’s missing

Is home. Its peace,

An essence of bliss,

Where sadness or fear

Could never exist.

A shadowy mist

From the river -

Are you saying hi,

My beloved, my dear?

My darling.

No concept of time

Feels with you.

Dimensions suspend

For the new

Beginning,

Continuation,

Conclusion…

It’s not my illusion,

Frustration,

Or spinning

Reality. Send

Me a sign.

Can never decline

Deeper meaning;

You are in the stars,

Keep raising the bar.

I’m feeling your presence,

Its sleek effervescence.

Continue my sentence

From the air above.

I’m seeking the answers

Inside me, around -

You’re not underground.

You’ve shown me the light

To live, and to fight,

To dream,

To believe,

To actually live -

The dreamer in me

Not regretting

That leap of faith

To leave me unscathed

And continue.

I’ll join you sometime

To keep dreaming.

Now, every sunrise

Like pin needles,

Planting the seeds

For new scars.



I know there is more

To explore;

Cannot find peace

On the surface.

I’m near the entrance,

Facing the temperance,

Weaving the lace

Of eternity.

The emptiness brings

All the answers;

It’s there for when

I am not.

Embracing,

Erasing

My fears and spears

Of words.

Count to ten,

Sharpen razors.

Uncomfortable

For a moment,

I find a balance

And meaning.

World spinning

With elegance,

An open-wide vein,

Beginning

Of relevance.

Do I have a chance?

Can I take a stance?

Forgetting

The quietness,

Comfort,

And coziness -

Even forgiveness

Is such a luxury;

Cannot ever measure it.

By grieving

What’s lost

To the wildness,

The sound of snakeskin

While shedding:

A mental bloodletting.

I’ll send you a letter,

There has to be path

To keep going

By knowing you,

Acquainting the stars,

Collecting the glass

For old relics,

For new mannequins

Of tomorrow.

There is no sorrow

And only this openness,

Kindness

Soulfulness -

Will you send a kiss

In parentheses?

I never believed

In what’s next.

I tried to achieve

What is best.

Collecting the stones

To build someone’s throne

By memory,

A part of artillery,

By moving ahead,

All alone.

To try and neglect

My headstone.

It’s always been there,

Keeping me company.

Am I still alive,

Or just quantity?

Don’t want to deprive

Your identity;

It’s probably peaceful

Up there.

Or, down below -

The timeline will show,

With nothing to spare

For good reasons.

Does obedience

Count, or patience?

I’m able to wait,

So tenacious.

It’s lonely sometimes

On the edges.

There is no crime

In the trenches

Of memory,

The boundary gate.

Collecting the dust

Of impressions,

This grim recollection

Of bravery,

I’m ready to pause

And descend,

So spent,

And yet hopeful,

A relative clause

Of last sentence.

Can’t leave, if I must,

While in mourning.

I saw you this morning -

So beautiful.

Our time will decide

The next meeting.

Won’t let suicide

Take the lead.

In this universe,

So freezing and terse -

There will be a chance

For a greeting.

I can’t yet come close enough.

Your presence

Still feels like a hug.

My tolerance

For grief and for loss

Is tempered glass,

Is cushioned moss,

Is durable

And forgiving.

I will keep grieving,

Always believing.

If vulnerable,

Still not receding.

I’m reading

Your notes in the water.

The thoughts

And ideas for later.

With all in-between,

Where grass remains green,

We never run out of paper.

It’s all that I got.

There is no god.

Repeating

The patterns, perhaps.

Retreating

The pain -

My time lapse.

Until, in another dimension,

There will be a place

For vacation,

Where our demons

Are slain.

Without a horrid

Bloodstain.

The sun in your face:

I’m not worried.

We share our lives

And some stories.

Our wagon -

The last in this train.

A novel domain

For what’s mine.

Because, when it’s yours -

It’s so real,

No matter the pains

Of ordeal.

Prescription

For all future aches.

Addiction

To happier states.

Your voice in the dark

Ever-leading

To where I have been,

Where nothing obscene

Or displeasing

Can happen.

Remember the scene

When it matters.

Can taste bitter spark

Of my pleading -

One night,

Even half,

Don’t go, don’t die…

Still bleeding.

Still you, and not me.

Why this?

Why ever believing

In bliss?

When nothing remains

For eternity.

I never sustain

Bits of sanity.



Not better

With time; even worse.

They say, it will turn

Evergreen -

Such nonsense;

I have all your letters.

Unburned,

Untouched,

Unearned,

Unvouched -

Because they exist

In my brain.

The deadliest,

Barren terrain.

Can never escape

Its perimeter.

I torch, and I scrape -

So dear

Your memory,

Your life,

And your essence…

I wish I could die

For your presence.

My victory

Is only with you,

Not without.

Surviving anew

In dark clouds.

The meaning of choices,

Such pondering;

To-be or not-be,

So delightful.

I am, you are not -

Not a cheerful plot,

There is no god:

How comforting.

There are other voices

To lead you to me.

The bottom, you see,

Is not far.

I’ve felt it

From under the altar -

So typical;

With every new relic -

Subliminal,

Conventional

Wisdom and grit.

You know I want to commit;

So worrisome,

And then some.

I feel you around forever.

You are so kind and clever.

It’s hurtful to know

I still cannot go

To meet you.

That’s not your post-mortem

Commitment.

Still choosing

Us, and not them,

Determined being together.

Committing the crime

Of my presence

When you are not here -

If I could disappear,

But sadly, it isn’t my time.

I’m walking alone

Through the tunnel,

Collecting the dust

Of impressions.

With your photograph

On my frontal lobe -

Can this epitaph

Be a symbol of hope?

I’m out of all recollections.

I’ll go wherever I must.

Connecting to all other channels,

I love your subliminal tone -

My ears

Can hear you, always, my dear.

Together

Through all of these years.

No lesser

My love and my tears.

You are in my blood,

Through darkness and mud,

There is no god;

How peaceful.

These thoughts have become

Reminiscent.

My veins contain you,

So real, so pure -

I shouldn’t but always succumb

To this hopefulness,

Wholesomeness,

Truthfulness,

That shouldn’t exist -

Here it is.

Not letting me move

Any further;

I’ve nothing to prove

But my purpose

To have the timeline

Reconstructed,

Where you never left,

Never suffered.

Where I am alive,

We both can survive,

To reach the correct

Destination.

To never regret

In damnation.

I’m walking in shadows,

In some foreign meadows,

On eggshells and rocks

Through walls and padlocks,

Through darkness,

Where it’s the most pleasant.

Through glaciers

And hot deserts.

Will I ever find a harbor?

Will it be worthy of labor?

We could still travel

On this ashen gravel

Through emptiest spaces

And crowds;

With you, I don’t face

Any doubt.

The scope of wholesomeness,

Evanescence,

That tickles from far

And in absence

Of present,

Since only the past

Contains hope.

We are built to last

On this globe.

The future is largely

Unknown,

What if, undecidedly -

Prone

To fear, to terror

With this fatal error

Of death, when unwanted.

With you, wish not granted

Because you are here,

Forever.

You are in my lungs,

Bone marrow.



If nothing can bring you to me,

Your smile is my comfort and peace.

This wholeheartedness,

All-in,

Darkness within,

I’m never without

Your voice in my brain,

All-around.

A supplement to my pain.

In rainfall,

In sunshine,

In mountains,

In my spine -

You are the most common

Ingredient.

It’s us, after all,

So radiant.

Life stolen,

In thousands

Moments, emotions,

We never got tired of motion.

If atoms

Make up whole galaxy,

My arms

Have become an accessory

To building a tunnel

Where we can travel,

So that we can see

And experience

Where you are with me,

Not delirious,

Although.. Am I?

Are you? Undecided

The pain’s so deep

When unbridled -

This longing for more,

For eternity.

Arrived at the shore,

To serenity

But I cannot sleep -

You’re not by my side.

The scope of fearfulness,

Of transcendence;

When each passing day -

A new sentence.

Too many words

And speech patterns;

Army of thoughts

Lights the lantern.

Too many dragons to slay.

A moment of helplessness.

So brief - until you

Bring my hope anew.

Wise enough

Not to die

Because you don’t want me to;

I’m not there, yet,

Here for you.

From beyond,

You can feel my emotions.

So blind,

I proceed with much caution.

I don’t want to create

Empty spaces;

Mental state

Of previous stances.

We play games -

You will send me a rainbow.

As of late,

I can smile with my shadow.

So precious -

Moments with you…

Yes, they are not akin

All I knew.

So contagious,

Burning my skin

From below, within -

All the way

To much deeper layers.

From the grave

And under the covers.

I can see you

In each waking moment.

Floating freely

With no torment -

So incredible.

You seem happy.

So peaceful

Wherever you are.

Over time,

You have shown me clouds.

I could never imagine

Losing you,

Through the ages,

On a different plane.

A new kind of pain.

You are so resourceful

In sending me messages

So close,

While being that far.

I can sense you

In any crowd,

Never lonely: also true.

My best leverage

Against boredom.

You’re home, finding freedom.



Sheer radiance -

That’s my chance

For advancement;

Future placement.

I will find you

Through millenia.

Always bound

To being lenient

With the universe;

In reverse.



The scope of cheerfulness,

Of transgression,

Two sides of the medal,

Microaggression

Of mortal gravity

And lack of clarity.

I feel so foreign

To this reality;

Like games of chess,

They seem rational,

They feel delusional

So, my conclusion

To face brutality,

To go lethal -

The worst abscess

With you away from me.

You’re always with me.



So much duality.

The hospitality

Of this lifetime

Is horrifying.

When I am dying

Inside, I keep the smile.

I choke on bile.

But, you revive me

With your ideas -

So long, my dear.

We will be soon

In parallel,

In sync, together.

Cannot be lesser

Evil than missing you;

Although here

I’m not around you,

So sheer

The veil of sanity,

The you in me.

The scope of consciousness,

Luminescence,

Connecting pieces

Of former losses,

I’m not agnostic;

Your radiance

Is truly endless.

Let’s not be mindless,

Cannot obsess

Over the past without future.

It would be torture.

I know, ours

Is in the stars.

Even if far,

We will be there

To finally embrace and share

Eternity.

With you and me.

The time is mystery

We can devoir.