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cliff face

A monologue...

By Ruby RedPublished about a month ago 2 min read
Top Story - June 2024
cliff face
Photo by Ian Stauffer on Unsplash

It's late. A young girl sits wild eyed and skittish on her bed. She is jittery and stressed.

Hi…

I have this feeling in my stomach where everything…everything I see isn’t right. I know you think I’m paranoid or crazy…but…I can’t help it. It’s there. I can feel it tightening and it’s like everything I look at is just a pointless waste of space that could be listening to all your thoughts.

But it’s the past that scares me the most…since we tend to forget what we don’t want to know or rewrite it to fit what we do remember or…hide it. Sometimes I wish I could force-forget, like you can on a computer…when an app stops working you force it to quit…it’s an emergency override thing. Brains don’t have that. But humans still forget things.

I’ve forgotten the right way to laugh…like, the real laugh. It’s wedged in my throat but I shove it back down like it’s thick, acidy vomit and I’ll die if I let it out. I forgot how much I wish/

Do you remember the Cold War?

When the feeling I have was everywhere at once? Like a disease. But no one could cure it, because they all had it. And doctors can’t cure themselves so what do you do? You wait at the edge for the world to stop.

Do you remember how it felt to be so close to the edge…just waiting. Waiting for the cracks to come….the bully from 3rd grade to run up and push you. Or your mother to appear and because she sees you as the disappointing, naïve child she barely knows…she stalks up to you until you can feel her breath on your neck and then the cracks come, the gravel spills and it’s over before you can even scream that you’re nothing like her and you’d never do anything bad even if it was the only way…

But instead of a quick, hollow, silent death where the jarred teeth of the cliffs and ocean swallow you in one great gulp, you keep floating.

It’s the expectation that kills you. Not the lead up, not the cracks, not your mother, not the push, not even the great sight of the ocean breathing in to consume every moment you’ve lived so far because everything, everything you see, think, hear, feel - it’s the expectation that there’s nothing left that you’ll disappear and your mother won’t care and the pushes will keep coming and nothing will stop it but it never comes and yet you’re still there standing and waiting for it to come.

Until instead of waiting for the push.

For your mother’s blue fire eyes to turn and scan you

You stomp until the cliff cracks deep and strong and leap into the sky screaming until there’s nothing left to do but fall.

Free Verse

About the Creator

Ruby Red

"All the world's a stage,

And all the men and women merely players:

They have their exits and their entrances;

And one man in his time plays many parts."

- William Shakespeare

Consider this a doorway to my heart and soul. 🌱

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Comments (9)

  • Dr. Jason Benskin26 days ago

    Congratulations on having your story featured as a top story on Vocal! This is a remarkable achievement, and it's clear why your work has received such recognition. Your storytelling is truly exceptional. The narrative was not only compelling but also beautifully crafted, holding my attention from start to finish. The way you developed the characters and plot was masterful, making the story both engaging and thought-provoking. Your unique voice and perspective shine through, setting your work apart. It’s evident that you poured a lot of passion and effort into this piece, and it has certainly paid off. I look forward to reading more of your incredible stories in the future. Keep up the fantastic work! Best regards, Dr. Jay

  • Natasha Collazo26 days ago

    Congrats your wonderful Top story!!!

  • Cyrusabout a month ago

    Congrats on TS!

  • Dharrsheena Raja Segarranabout a month ago

    Back to say congratulations on your Top Story! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊

  • Andrea Corwin about a month ago

    ...and so many cliff faces we come to along the path of life. Congrats on this wonderful poem and your TS!🥳

  • Christy Munsonabout a month ago

    Intense piece! Congratulations on Top Story! 🥳 I also have to commend your choice of cover pic. I used it myself a long while back. If you're so inclined, give it a read. https://vocal.media/poets/precipice-xdh3pi0dv2

  • MrZabiabout a month ago

    Amazing story

  • Dharrsheena Raja Segarranabout a month ago

    This was so intense, emotional, poignant and relatable. It indeed would be nice if we could force-forget

  • Sweileh 888about a month ago

    Interesting and delicious content, keep posting more now

Ruby RedWritten by Ruby Red

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