Choose only just not to decide
a story of being stuck inbetween
staring straight ahead
focus sharper than a blade
not admiring the garden
behind either sides gate
catching a small piece
of both beauties
in the corner of my eye
fearing that just turning
my back would imply
the other sides forever goodbye
.
before me a child
tripping crying
and I almost smiled
it´s not me
it´s not enough
it´s not who i wanted to be
usually, i am kind
but when i look inside
i am devil and angel combined
.
way up high
i see a plane fly by
i don´t mean to pry
are they coming back
or
did they just say goodbye
i want it all
everything i´ve never seen
and everywhere i´ve already been
i want to go where i´m not known
but at the same time
wouldn´t it be nice just to
have a home
.
distant church bells ringing
my mother's echoing conviction
adding to my confliction
hearing
and no longer believing
göthe´s way of perceiving
a hint of doubt remains
allah is there
my father explains
i don´t know how to feel
what to believe
something´s gotta be real
to know just what
or even if
would be ideal
.
earphones in
spotify on
my playlist changing language
with every song
foreign tongues
don´t hit as strong
polite but
not that personal
maybe that´s why i cry
at every german song
even with words
i don´t know
where i belong
english
my schoolteacher's whole pride
my mother tongue
my austrian pride
my french died
at my father's side
.
i love you
always
ich liebe dich
not ever
je t´aime
maybe
not really
not since forever
.
dead end road
that´s all the personality i have
to provide
big white 25
mocking me left and right
no, that´s not right
either
or
just one side
maybe just to stay is alright
happily, forever having a piece
of either side
choose
choose only just
not to decide
.
oh
how much i could want
to have been
if not only ever
just in between
_
hey guys! This is about half of the poem I have written. Maybe I´ll post the full piece another time. I´m just not ready to share it yet. Hope you enjoyed it and I look forward to reading your posts. <3
About the Creator
S. Gabriela Heitzinger
I'm a filmmaker from Vienna who loves to do literally anything artsy. From drawing and painting to music to arts and crafts to screenwriting to... I also love to write:) AND read ;) thanks for stopping by <3
Insta: @gabshxtshow
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When the Robots Took My Job
This is for RM Stockton's Write Club prompt for the month of April: AI Please allow me to vent. For "college," I went to a scam school that is now closed. We were promised internships that were never spoken of again after admissions, and we were promised help finding jobs. The first time I went to the career counselor's office, she was completely frazzled. She had no idea what to do with us, the film majors. The second time I visited her office, I let her know that I'd found myself a job, and she was visibly relieved.
By Rebekah Conard6 days ago in Journal
Comments (2)
I did enjoy it Gabriela, but it left me with a feeling of unfinished business. I liked how you slipped the Deutsch and French in there. There's palpable sadness and longing that feels to me like a Salzburg cavern bar. (Where I first had Crown Royal and Red Bull.) It's very good!
This was so amazing! I hope you do share the full poem someday, I'd love to read the rest. I really love the flow of it, and the part about the different languages was fascinating to me. Thank you for sharing!