Choose Me

They say "Take these pills, one during the day, one at night." this will keep the bad thoughts away for a little while.

They say "Take this pill before you go outside, this will slow down your heart rate whenever anxiety strikes."

They don't tell me, how to fix the things my mental health has already broken.

How to fix these strained relationships.

How to fix the look on my husbands face when I ask him for the millionth time in a day

"Are you sure you love me?"

Because to me

I'm not lovable

I'm just needed.

To cook

To clean

To make people feel less lonely.

Or maybe that's what I settled on.

I was so content with being needed

That I never took the time to make myself feel loved.

My codependent lifestyle was a slap in the face

when I realized I had done this my whole life

worried and obsessed over everyone

and never setting time aside to look in the mirror.

They tell you

Detach yourself from who you have a codependent relationship with

Stop obsessing, stop worrying about them and worry about you.

But how do I teach myself that I'm worth anything?

How do I teach myself to put me first?

To say no to things I don't want to do?

To say yes to living my own life?

Only time will tell

Setting these boundaries will feel like I'm pushing everyone away

But at the end of the day all I'm doing is

Making the concious effort to

Choose Me.