Choose Me Again

I don't want to go back to who we were,


I want to move forward,


toward something softer,


something stronger,


something we build with both hands
instead of something we keep trying to repair alone.

We've seen each other's flaws.


We've held each other's hearts
through beautiful moments
and painful ones.


We've made mistakes,


we've hurt,


we've learned,


and somehow,


we're still here.

And despite everything,
I still choose you.

But I don't want to be
a question mark in your life.


I don't want to be a situationship,


someone you love only when you're certain
and doubt whenever you're afraid.

I don't want to stand somewhere between
your heart and your uncertainty,


wondering what I am to you.

I want you.

Not halfway.


Not temporarily.


Not as someone you're still trying to figure out
whether you want to keep.

I want to be someone you're sure about.


Someone you choose deliberately.
Someone you welcome back into your life
not because it's familiar,


but because your heart says,


I want her here.

And I wish,
more than I know how to say,


that you would want me too.

That you would choose me again.


That you would take my hand
and let me back into your life
with intention,


with certainty,


with the courage to say,


I want us.

But I'm scared to tell you this.

Because what if
 the thing you wish for the most
is for me to go away?

What if,

somewhere inside you,
you've already imagined your life
without me in it,


and I'm standing here
dreaming about a future
you don't even want?

What if I ask you to choose me
and the answer is silence?

What if I'll never be
the sure thing you want?


What if I'll always be
something undefined,


something between love and letting go,


something that never becomes
more than a situationship again?

That fear lives quietly inside me.

But so does hope.

And I would rather be brave enough
to ask you the truth
than spend my days
wondering what could have been.

So here I am,
with my heart completely exposed,


not asking you for perfection,


not asking you to forget the past,


only asking you to look at everything we've been
and tell me if you still see
a future worth choosing.

Because I still see you.

I still see us.

And if your heart still has a place for me,


then I want to build something there,


something healthier,


something stronger,


something real.

I choose you.

And all I ask
is that you tell me
whether you can choose me too.

By Sam