Choices

I decided I'm not chasing them anymore.

Sometimes it's still hard, not going out of my way,

but the people who want to be here, will be.

And those who don't want to lose me,

will stay.

I decided I'm choosing myself, for the first time

in a long time. And it still feels selfish sometimes.

But it also feels like waking up.

I'm choosing unconditional love,

even if it hurts to let go.

I decided that it is not my responsibility

to communicate for the both of us,

to figure out your side.

I might have unending theories

but I need to be content with never knowing for sure,

To find closure in what seems impossible to unravel,

yet has unshakeable truth simply in remaining unclear.

I used to choose you every day,

and it has taken time to change old habits.

For that love was unconditional, even in the pain,

And it is hard to remember, even in its reality,

the reasons for sudden endings and change,

and the importance never to return

or choose the same mistakes.

I stand for myself, vibrant, imperfect, beautiful.

Because I have held on for long enough.

Time to choose everyday, what to let go,

and that which stays.

Author's Note: This poem is a work of fiction. Similarities to real world events are coincidental.