Chain Smoking

Cool air leaves evidence of warm breath

Im smoking a menthol cigarette

I hate menthols

But I would smoke a whole pack

While I got to stand on the corner

No matter how long it’d be

With promise glimpse of those eyes, I would see

Flick my ashes, searching for your face

In every passerby, every car I peak in

But its to dim to see, with the night sky

The way it hangs over the city like a veil

Hiding all the peoples secrets in the dark

And yet they know mine. But do you?

Feeling I’m the only one who knows the truth;

I know too much for my own good,

Wishing for the blissfulness of all misunderstood

Daydreaming again, all thats ever in my head

Is the pureness of everything you are

And the way the beauty of your heart

Makes the beauty of your face so much brighter, surreal

The way I can’t stop staring at my phone

These screen contents, for my eyes, alone

A few of your photos I’ve cropped together

Little embarrassing to admit the truth

But this is absolutely what its come to

I am too pathetic to live without entirely

By now probably hours and days worth of glances

Trying to claim myself, the lust only advances

That flood of crazy thoughts, leave my face with grin

Toying with the idea of taking chances again…

So I write a paragraph, hit send…then…NO!

Delete! Delete! Delete! Cancel! Cancel! Cancel!

Sweet relief, with realization the text did not go through

I’ll admit, I’m absolutely terrified of my own truth

Can’t yet allow these feelings be known

No matter the affection that could be shown

The shame of this, which is entirely natural

Yes I realize the ignorance

Leaving me in a constant fog and dissonance

I rip out my heart, tear it to pieces,

Then I swallow them until they are hidden deep within

Praying to the skies they are never brought up again

Cause even the slightest chance of any rejection

Would cause my heart and my soul, a disconnection

I’d shut myself inside form the world

Between sheets and blankets, in fetal position curled

Slowly rocking back and forth

While millions, nope, billions

Of thoughts would race through

Well then again, more like trillions, since thoughts of you

But who am I to kid

its well known the only way this could all happen

Would be for you and I to speak

Yeah right, leave me laughing for a week

Unfortunately I still don’t have those type of guts

For now I'll keep chain-smoking these menthol cigarettes.