Careful

My fingers are shaking as I get ready for this thing.

I take a sip so that I slow down.

I sip enough to where I finally stop shaking.

I sip enough to where my anxiety goes away.

And just like that

I don’t know who I am.

Because suddenly I’m no longer afraid.

And I’m not thinking of consequences.

Until tomorrow,

when the shaking arrives again.

Reliving every part of the night.

“Who was that I was hanging out with?”

“What if he’s a killer on the lookout for me?”

“Can I burn every photo taken from that night?”

“Can I just pretend like it didn’t exist?”

-

I can’t do any of that now.

I have to live with the careless that I did.

And to think I once wanted to be a famous actress.

What would the whole world be saying about me?

-

I have anxiety about meeting anybody.

I always think they want to take advantage of me.

Unless I sip, I’m too afraid of anybody.

But when I sip I’m just not really me.

-

Should I be embarrassed about what I feel?

Should I be embarrassed that I’m afraid of the world?

Everyone else is just living their best life.

And I’m over here just fighting to live.

-

Fighting to be happy.

Fighting to be sane.

Trying not to have a breakdown

From the things that I’ve witnessed.

They showed me just how evil people can be

When they don’t get their way.

And what can happen if you’re just not careful.

Although it isn’t your fault,

Society has a beautiful way of making you think it is.

“These things happen when

YOU’RE

NOT

CAREFUL.”

“So be perfect or it’ll happen again.”

“Be beautiful so it won’t happen again.”

“Eat healthy so it won’t happen again.”

“No casual dating so it won’t happen again.”

“Find you a man to protect you so it won’t happen again.”

“But you’ll need to be perfect for a man to ever love you.”

“So you can’t let them know who you are

or else it won’t happen again.”

I can feel the pressure on my shoulders as I’m reading this.

I can feel the knot in my stomach.

This is the most afraid that I’ve ever been

of the beauty in my life being taken away…

Simply,

because I was just not that

careful.