Car in flames

I cant feel anything when I drink.

I cant feel the loss of my children.

I cant feel the absence of my dead mother or dad.

I cant hear the suicidal thoughts in my head, only the bitter taste of alcohol.

Alcohol that seems to take everything away.

Not only the thoughts and the feelings, it’s a way out.

A way out of the world or “the God” that never had my back.

Lying had my back..

“You know I don’t drink”

“You know I alway put my seatbelt on”

“Find a reason to stay happy”

Why was this so hard for me to get or process in my damaged mind?

It was so easy to tell other people.

I learned to love the taste.

The “bitter” alcohol was no longer bitter.

I was no longer there, I was always far gone.

It was just a matter of how many people saw through me.

Saw through the hurt, saw through the alcohol.

It only took a matter of time before the alcohol got me completely.

The lies were no longer told..

They came back.

The drinking took control.

Made me do things that the real me wouldn’t normally do.

Permanent things.

There was no seatbelt involved when I got into that car.

Only alcohol and a swerve into a truck that killed me instantly.

I was gone.

Not much of my body remained.

As the car went into flames, my spirit stood, no longer broken, but free.