Breathe

Alone, waiting in a world of my own

Staring at the foot of the bed

Staring at my future

Alone, waiting, hoping for his sleep

Alone, listening to the screaming silence

Alone, listening for the sound of footsteps

The chair scooted back

Walking to the kitchen?

Coming to the bedroom?

Please walk to the kitchen…

But the steps are getting louder

Hugging my knees, preparing again

Covering myself

Feet stomping, fingers pointing

Blaming, hating, leaning over me

Pulling my leg, flat on my back

Hateful words

My eyes are closed

A fist in my ribs, in my thigh

Hands around my neck

Scratching, struggling, praying

Prying fingers away

Are you ready for more?

It’s me! It’s me! My God! It’s me!

Muscles tensing, stretching

Pushing against my chest

Hair blinding, covering, smothering

Eyes crying, eyes glaring

Legs intertwined with arms

Please see me

Please hear me

Heart aching, lives breaking

Knees in my ribs and jaw

Wrestling, squirming

Pointlessly begging

Again, his hands around my neck

Breath won’t come

Relax, breathe slowly

The air comes flowing in

His hands get tighter

Giving up will end the pain

Mine, his, theirs?

The pain inside

My eyes are closed

Ready to leave

To make my choice

His grip eases

My chest rises with relief

Footsteps walk back down the hall

Alone, waiting in this world of my own

Staring at the foot of the bed

Staring at my future

Footsteps are returning too soon.