Born and Raised
Confusing Thoughts and Advice from the Weariest of Them All
I feel so homesick.
But where's my home?
Where I come from? SoCal?
Or where I roam?
Kauai.
Maui.
Costa Rica.
Carlsbad.
Crystal.
I have no idea
where I belong anymore.
I feel restless right now.
Unspeakably
restless.
I'm getting cold feet
and cold blood
about moving.
I get thoughts
before I go to sleep,
where I question my place
to move from a home
that has treated me kindly.
Where I have spent countless days
playing in the backyard,
basking in the sun.
I am a Sun Child of SoCal.
I live my life outside.
I get up when the sun rises,
and sleep when the sun
goes down.
I have never known different.
And now,
I'm moving to a place
where June Gloom
is everyday.
Where it rains constantly.
Some nights,
while I toss in my bed
and throw around my thoughts,
I question why
I wanted to move in the first place.
Was it teenage anxst?
Was it because I truely wanted to?
Was it because I needed
s p a c e
to roam?
and a place to
b r e a t h e
and
t h i n k
for myself finally?
I think a part of it,
it all of those reasons.
I know I would have
suffocated
under my parents wrath
if I stayed longer.
I would go crazy.
But so much
shit
has happened
over a few months,
that I crave stability
for once.
I crave
home.
I feel like I
just started living life
where my home is,
and now I'm moving.
I'm moving in two days actually...
i'm putting
a bookmark
on the place that
I want a tattoo of on my hip;
which makes me believe
my reasoning--
why am I moving?
But I'm also at a point
where I crave--
new.
I crave adventure.
I crave being alone.
I crave doing what I want,
when I want,
with people to support me
doing what I want to do.
I want to meet new people
and make new friends
and party it up
and going to school
to do shit that I've been dreaming of
since I was six.
I'm seventeen
and I have my own apartment,
with a job to support it.
That's crazy.
I don't know how to
feel about that.
But I know
I'm going to miss
my friends.
My haunts.
My dog.
My beach.
My other beach.
I'm going to miss the sunshine,
and how home looks like
on a clear day,
where I can see all of the valley.
I'm going to miss
some very specific people...
people who I'm moving away from\
or people who are
moving away from me.
I'm going to miss
riding Basil through the park
on Sundays.
And getting coffee from my barista.
Riding down to the beach.
The hills and trails
that I've known since I was
a little girl.
I'm going to miss
my elementary school,
where my childhood started.
And the way my
backyard looks
in the spring.
I'm going to miss
family bbq's
during the summer,
and my aunts house
at Easter.
I'm going to miss
lay days,
hella good surfing,
and anything in between.
I've lived a good life,
in a place where
life is good.
I have no complaints
about where I was
born and raised,
I just--
I dont know...
I decided to move.
I'm excited
and sad
and terrified;
all in that order.
I guess I have to charge on
to the road ahead.
Life moves in waves.
It's never an end really...
I guess I just have to put a
bookmark
on home right now.
About the Creator
Lauren Day
i surf. i travel. i take some photos here and there. i life alot.
i think. i write. i think some more.
then something cool happens where i write until my bones ache.
end of story.
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