Black Rhino

An address from the President of the Community for Assimilation and Social Harmony (CRASH).

“We are speaking to you today
to set the record straight;

and disabuse the views
of those deluded fools
who choose to eschew
the facts,
in favour of fake news.

Let us begin:

1. The idea that our horns, if ground to ash
   could cure your every itch and rash,
   is unfettered balderdash.

2. So too is it complete tripe
   that should you smoke it from a pipe
   it could cure your every gripe.

3. And while we’re at it, let’s debunk
   that should you chew upon a chunk
   that it should turn you into some dashing hunk.

4. And if you use it in a ceremony
   to convince someone to matrimony -
   that’s baloney.

5. The rumour that we hide gold under our flaps,
   or keep spare horns tucked under-wraps -
   is complete and utter c… laptrap.

6. The notion that our horns can grant you dosh,
   turn mud to wine, and make you posh,
   is hogwash.

7. That our horns make us expert locksmiths

   cracking safes with casual sniffs,
   is an obvious, worn-out myth.

8. And to those who cause much commotion
   about how horns can fuel perpetual motion:
   I have never heard such a ridiculous notion.

9. Except that our horns can crack cold fusion
   and bring the energy crisis to conclusion,
   which is, of course, pure delusion.

And lastly:

10. It is a lie that we do not mourn our bereaved.
    That we feel nothing when our loved ones leave.
    And it should not
    be believed.