birds whisper

*PLEASE LISTEN TO THE SOUND WHILE YOU READ MY POEM*

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Even the mirror flinches when I look at it.

I changed my name, my voice, my eyes—

Still, the mirror mouths the old one back.

Even though the voices in the back of my head know where the key is hidden...

I'm better off outside in nature, the real medicine of healing and self-love.

I crawl underneath my favourite weeping willow tree.

I take 3 deep breaths—

First breath for my awareness

Second breath to hear my inner voice

Third breath to awaken all my senses...

The birds appear.

I smile. They dance and sing around the willow tree.

I close my eyes.

And they chirp-

Chirp, chirp, and chirp!

But it's not a chirping bird, it's a little girl... telling secrets...

Am I that little girl? Was I her? Am I her?

Thank you for holding onto my secret, I whisper.

Some days I speak with a borrowed voice. It knows what to say better than I do.

That's why I whisper to the birds... they can hold secrets better than anyone.

My smile is usually fluent in survival; it curls without consent.

Only when I start to think about him again...

I've rehearsed his version of me so many times that the original has forgotten its line—

He fell in love with the echo, not the scream. I keep the scream tucked beneath my tongue.

I am a masterpiece of pretending—

He says I'm easy to love. That's how I know you don't see me...

The version of me you love doesn't exist~

You didn't fall for a person. You fell for a performance...

I was doing anything I could to feel loved by you..

I am not a girl in your memories. I'm the wound she covered.

The bird's chirp -whisper..."You are not the ghost of someone you never had the courage to become."

I begin to cry, and cry. Tears rolling down my face and into my lap.

If I ever showed him who I am— raw, unfiltered, undone-

He'd run. He'd call it ugly. Maybe he should~

He'd love me well—so well, I almost believed I was real.

But I'm only ever what you want to see.

The rest of me is silence dressed in skin.

The version of me you love doesn't exist~

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Thank you so much for reading my story!! <3

For the challenge 'Masks We Wear'! <3