being honest

how can i speed up the recovery

from wounded trust

that still burns inside me

there’s no shortcut

i will never not taste bitter ashes on my tongue

my wasted time

i’ve given up

still so young

fanning flames

concealed rage

am i just deranged?

and then it happens

again and again

strikes when im alone

when quite fills the room

and the sun goes down

it gets so loud

sets the mood

time to be honest

i know the severity of this

isn’t something i can easily forgive

they call it “crimes of passion”

“be the bigger person, you still have so much life to live”

but it’s what i deserve

the epiphanies ive endured

are terribly explicit

how could i be so fucking dumb?

and can i survive this?

without having to keep myself unconcerned?

it starts with a big laugh

turns into a loud sob

it’s genuinely funny

how i could think its anyone else’s job

therapy won’t fix me

i cant entertain such thoughts

why i had overstayed my welcome

why didn’t i get it through my head

when he showed me i wasn’t enough?

all the deceit

even the physical proof that he was a cheat

while i was carrying our baby

all the nights i went to sleep alone

all the nights he was trashed when he came home

why did i think “this is just what comes with love”

what have i done

broken records, playing over and over

because of these

wonderful little memories

my brain won’t ever sleep

i let it happen

i locked myself in

and now that i made it out

the release doesn’t really exist

to unravel it

would take more than a few sessions

i know what i’ll hear

i don’t need a stranger to tell me im dealing with depression

i don’t know where my emotions begin and end

emotions have a way of sneaking up

i don’t have the time to feel them

all i can do for myself at this point

is never let it happen again

-g.m.t