barefoot in the rain

I am running barefoot through a silent stone building, and I am alone.

Is this not how the story was supposed to end?

I can hardly breathe, my green comforter wrapped so tight around my shoulders I felt paralyzed

The walls begin to close in

and the air feels like its leaving me -

and I am running barefoot into a room with too many windows.

I am running barefoot toward the rain and the woods outside.

I can’t breathe

and I am scared

and I am doubled over sobbing,

I am choking, heaving breath back into my lungs

I am a muddy green mess on the floor of a room with no windows,

my knees red and raw from falling and getting up,

from being tangled

and running

and being unable to stop

I am shaking and I feel his hands take my shoulders and guide me to the ground.

I cover my ears with my hands, the drumming noise of the rain on the too many windows overcoming me,

I watch the water turn red, and its constant drumming grows louder and louder and everywhere -

and he is pulling my shoes onto my feet.

I babble out apologies, desperate for him to understand -

and he ties my shoes like he used to.

they are not my shoes this time, he pulled them from his own feet.

I tell him it wasn’t his fault, it never was supposed to be his fault -

and he takes my blanket gently, folds it in half once, twice

he lays the blanket on the railing

he takes off his jacket, he wraps it tightly around my shoulders, he pulls me to my feet

and he says nothing to me

I am left alone at the doorway and I have no choice but to run, shoes tied tightly.

I am running in the woods, slipping on the grass, and I am alone again.

Is this not how the story was supposed to end?

I am sorry.

I am sorry.

I am sorry.

He stands in the doorway, blanket folded in his arms, watching me

he does not move and he does not cry,

he stands alone in the doorway, alone, carrying the weight of me,

Is this not how the story was supposed to end?

You should have known. How could you not have?

You first found me running in the woods, barefoot and soaking wet.

You should have known that I wanted to be there, that I would always run back.