Back Again

I shouldn’t be used to

distracted gazes and flat tones,

to forced smiles, unsure fidgeting.

Being surrounded by people

yet still be alone.

Feeling it deep in my bones…

but that shouldn’t be

like coming home.

.

None should know loneliness

like a toxic lover

you just can’t seem shake

.

so why do I?

.

I know better, I do.

The all too familiar feeling

creeps its way under my skin,

poisoning bloodlines, whispering

to the shadows of the mind.

.

Lies. All of it.

.

They aren’t true yet every fiber

of my being craves to believe them

because disappointment is constant,

unlike its positive parallel.

What was it again?

Reassurance?

Happiness?

Always fickle

forever changing…

.

I’m tired of playing this game.

The urge to crawl

into the icy tendrils

of loneliness grows

each day, more comforting

as time continues to tick away

or is that my will to live

to breathe

to exist?