Anxiety, A Slam Poem

Anxiety,

It’s butterflies in your stomach,

Heart is beating 1000 miles a minute.

Brain,

1000 thoughts.

I’m nervous doing simple things,

Ordering food,

Even over the phone.

I’m worried,

Worried I’m gonna mess up and sound like a fool.

I’m nervous now.

Nervous,

Worried,

Scared,

Scared you're judging,

Worried you're thinking about me.

Nervous you’ll notice my shaking hands,

My shaking voice.

The stutter under my breath

How out of place I feel

Like a scared cat in a room full of dogs.

Repeat and memorize

Repeat and memorize

Repeat and memorize

Repeat and memorize

I tell myself I’m fine.

I know the words.

Do I?

Nerves are shot,

Brain is blank,

I’m so anxious my words blend and speed up.

My throat,

dry and raspy

Small mistakes feel big

To this big world I feel small.

Cause this world is spinning and spinning

Faster,

faster

Faster than I can handle!

Sometimes

I can’t speak

Most times

I can’t sleep,

Unprepared,

Sweaty,

Trying to stay calm.

All the while trying to look “perfect”

It doesn't look like I have anxiety,

So to you,

I don't.

I’ve learned to control it just enough I don’t need meds

Don’t need family ,

Or doctors telling me I’m falling apart

I’m holding myself together fine.