Another One in the Books

I ended my shift at one in the morning, a brick of moneris slips in my hand.

My heart deflated and dripped down my body alongside the sweat.

So many people, so many hours and energies in my palm. I dropped the slips on the counter and began to cry softly.

$52.82

I wonder if anyone will ever receive my love the way you did.

$111.21

The young man was sitting by himself as he waited for his friends. He answered me shortly and didn’t look in my direction. I wondered what I was doing wrong.

$27.82

A man with a guitar singing, “time of our lives” and the table singing along, loudly, wildly.

Something about yellow tinted glasses, today.

$78.88

The party downstairs, drunk and getting on tables, getting in the way, bumping into everything.

“Behind you! Behind you!”

$306.33

I want to be held, I want to be listened to, I don’t want to feel embarrassed.

$8.32

I run right into a young man, and we both grasp each other for a moment, “I’m so sorry!”

“You went right under my radar,” he says.

He’s cute.

$54.39

I imagine I am in Italy, serving my dream job. I allow myself to feel ecstatic, I look at the lights, I embrace how surely my feet know the steps down the patio. I allow it to be comfort instead of boredom.

$189.61

There are too many mirrors in this restaurant and I can't look away.

$25.39

I wish I could sit in a room with every person I’ve ever met and loved, and hold them one last time without consequence.

$104.22

I wish I didn’t have to go home alone tonight. I wish

$12.34

I’m getting blisters on my feet

$62.77

It comes in waves, sometimes I forget who I am here.

$21.00

I read each person, I respond, it’s a manipulation, it’s a trick, it’s a play.

$64.37

I keep thinking I’ll run into you. I keep wanting you to show up, so you can see me, so you can feel it.

I’m so tired.

I’m so tired but my body is buzzing, my mind is leaping. I hold these slips in my hand, I watch the story of tonight relive as I count them, I put my face in my hands and breathe.

I date it, I sign it.