Another Morning, Another Day

Oh

Look

Awake again.

Another morning

Another day

Heart didn't give up

Breathing didn't give stop

That hole I fell down

Didn't lead to the abyss

The monster didn't kill me

Who's the real monster?

I should be happy

I might be happy

Sometimes

Just sometimes

I am

Happy

Until

Until I realise

Until it hits me

Like a bowling ball

To the gut

Who I am

What I've done

Happier days

Happier occasions

They help

Chase the nightmares away

The nightmares I caused

But its only temporary

Shaking off the past

Easier said than done

When it's infecting

My present and future

The hurt it causes

When people see

Jekyll but not Hyde

When people who have faced

Hyde

Find it hard to remember

Jekyll

Because the cycle

they've endured

The cycle

Of pain, suffering

Of suffering, pain

Let down after let down

Misery, misery

again, again and again

They deserve the kindness

The sympathy

The respect

I'm fighting my demons

Yes

But they've been fighting

and surviving them

For longer

I resent and despise

The times and ways

I've made them cry

Bled their emotions dry

Taken their love

Not protected it

At times

I am my own

Unreliable narrator

See things differently

Internally

Ignoring or oblivious

to what's happening

Externally

Trying to undo

Years of hurt

Years of distrust

Years spent

making same old mistakes

Seeing things

As better

Plasters and banages

Over wounds

Won't heal them

If they are still

Infected and unclean

*

Oh

look

Awake again

Another morning

Face the day or fade away

Ending it all, is not the way

At least

not today

#

Thanks for reading!

Author's Notes: I'm okay...or will be.