An Ode from My Bathroom Floor
I'm sorry that this is the only way I could love you, and I wish my tiles were warmer.
I often think of the times you'd come around...
And danced your way with me in socks filled with tiny toes
Painting a memory of innocence with the centre soles of your body
We'd mascaraed with bubble baths and
You covered me in lavender
You softened me like baby powder
And whenever you'd fall,
You did only so with laughter that was so uncontrollable
The creases of my tiles curved into a smile. The sink still doesn't believe me but I swear on all my four corners it happened
You see, I held you in star dust
Whispered you towards blossoming
Destined you joyful
Swore you into my every good morning
My every good night.
... It didn't take long
Until the only reason you came around anymore
Was to feel solitude of your cheek against my chest
I was so trapped to know I could only offer my skin
To comfort your racing heart and shaking cries
Screaming at your father
Who sent your knees to buckle at my floor a hundred times, please trust me I fucking counted
Or maybe it was your boyfriend tonight?
What did he do on the side I couldn’t see?
I protected you on nights the locks on the doors didn't work
You crawled into me and the fear you were soaked in killed me to be incapable of washing away
Even though the bath is always right there, this sadness is bubble proof
The presence of your broken body
and torn out veins
Became so frequent that I began praying, saying
God please don't make them send her here again — Please, I beg of you
make it stop,
keep her away.
I felt every tear you shed on me and I think some of them are still drying up on the surface of my heart
And if I hold the only peace you ever felt,
please use me to protect you
From whatever goes on the other side of that old cedar door
That has been slammed against me more times I can't say I'm proud to have felt
My head is filled with echoes
And muffled shrieks of “I goddamn miss you”
They have damaged our memories with gashed smiles and bloody fists
A girl has been stolen from me
Because all I am now to her
Is the bathroom floor she cries to dark nights upon.