An Acrostic

Alive or dead? Which one am I? I can’t tell,

because you took away who I was with your

careless use of my body and extortion of my mind. If in fact I am

dead, I’d like to thank you for bringing an

end to a life I’ve wanted to terminate for six years.

Fucking me must have been the way in which the

God you talk about so much took back my soul when

He saw the pain of a once-

innocent girl, if only

just to pretend there is still some small

kindness on Earth. But, as is more likely, if I am in fact still

living, I’d like you to know what tricked

my fragile heart. You told me you’d marry me so I’d

never have to be alone. Blinded by need, I ignored the

obvious deceptions you fed me on a glistening

plate. After the first time, you threatened me with solitude. I

quietly continued opening my legs, allowing you to continue

raping my body the way you raped my mind from day one.

Scissors slicing my hips kept me sane. Fear of rejection kept me from

telling anyone how it really happened, because how could they

understand why I stayed with you?

Without you, I’d be alone. But you left. I still fear those with only one

X. It’s been 2 years since that day, and

yet I feel as if I am worse than I was before. I now know that there is

zero chance of forgiving or forgetting, for as long as we both shall live.