Alive or dead? Which one am I? I can’t tell,
There are some moments that will change your life forever. Moments you can’t prepare for and that you subsequently drag around for years, reliving them over and over again. Luckily, the rest of the world doesn’t necessarily have to know about your moments. You can hide the truth pretty easily if you put up a good act. But no amount of acting can make that moment any less real to you. Personally, no matter how much I act, I can still remember my moment like it was yesterday.
We met on the bus the morning of my very first day of middle school. I was the first kid to get picked up, so the bus was silent. I was unbelievably nervous, and I can remember wondering if I would make any friends at my new school. A few more kids got on the bus, but none of them seemed promising. Then I saw her get on the bus. I knew immediately that I wanted to be her friend. Who knows why, but I just knew. As luck would have it, she decided to talk to me! We hit it off right away. She lived in the neighborhood right next to mine, and I didn’t have any friends that lived less than a 25-minute car ride away, so this was a big deal. We parted ways when we got to school since she was a year older than I was. I thought about our morning encounter for the rest of the day, hoping it wasn’t a one-time deal. That afternoon, I saved her a seat. She took it, and there was no going back.
All my life, I’ve loved horses. My mom finally let me start riding when I was 8, and there was no going back. She was terrified of horses and was constantly worried I would get hurt, but she let me do it anyway. We could barely afford my weekly lessons, but my parents found a way to make it happen for several years. My dream even then was to ride on a college team. One day, the owners of the barn asked my mom when I was going to start showing. My mom told them that I probably wouldn’t since we didn’t have the money, and they told her that I wasn’t allowed to advance my riding until I went to a show. In fact, they said that I really should have started jumping months before, but they didn’t want to waste the effort on someone who wouldn’t show. My mom pulled me from that barn for obvious reasons, but I was still devastated.