Am I really alone?

Welcome or welcome back, readers. Today, I want to share my thoughts as a teenager. I hope my words will resonate with you and give you a glimpse into the world of a young person.

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Let's explore the depth of my feelings and experiences together.

"Am I Really Alone?"

Sometimes, you're in a room full of people, yet it feels so lonely—a crowd so loud, but all I hear is the hush of my own melody. A smile always concealing my fear of the dark, a charm that uplifts others but fails to brighten my heart. These feelings weigh me down, and they've been with me for years now. What is this feeling? Am I really alone?

I remember moments from years ago, smiles and sighs, so full of regrets and echoing cries. As I run to catch time, it slips through my grasp, so elusive, like trying to clasp a distant gasp. I'm so energetic, yet it feels like I'm losing all control. I don't know what's going on in this endless soul. Am I really alone? What is it that haunts me, leaving me to groan? What is it that scares me to the bone? Is it me myself, the person I've outgrown? How can I act so well, for others, a stone? How do I smile for others, then be on my own? What is this feeling? Am I really alone?

So connected through our phones, yet I feel so far, as if we're speaking through invisible bars. So close to our hearts, yet it tears us apart. What is this? Love that I felt once, now just a fading mist, the closeness, the hugs, the warmth that I miss. It felt so good, it felt so warm, but now I'm adrift in a silent storm. The feeling of wind, the feeling of rain, the feeling of success, the feeling of joy, all lost in my inner pain. I'm too numb to feel, too broken to toy. I want to cry, but my brain's on a blackout, my heart on a pit stop, yet I continue to move about. Am I really getting ahead in life or am I in doubt? What is this feeling? Am I really alone?

In this vast hive of scholars, the weight of expectations truly bewilders. Like bees in a swarm, buzzing through exams, struggling to perform. A relentless, ceaseless tide, as countless students rush side by side. Facing pressure from every direction, striving for academic perfection. But within this collective hive, it's hard to feel truly alive. Amidst the crowd, voices fade, as we seek success in this academic crusade. Pressure from others and our inner strife, we battle through this demanding life. all running the same lines, but differences it causes, leaving me behind like thousands who are trying to strive. I wish someone guided my path. What is this feeling? Am I really alone?

I do so much, yet achieve so little. I study so diligently, only to face failure in the middle. In reality, I'm just staring at the screen with my notes, but do the alphabets reach my mind's boats? I don't think so, it's like chasing ghosts. I work so hard, yet the score doesn't echo my utmost. In a world so fast, I feel painfully slow. Am I a kid or an adult, I don't know. Doubts are plenty, my head feels sore. What is this feeling? Am I really alone?

Tears dry up as I grow up, a person who forgets to smile for self, my happiness in a dusty cup on a forgotten shelf. Is it normal to feel this way, to conceal and repress, as thoughts are so loud, but only the walls can hear my distress. Paintings are so vivid, yet they can't help my mind feel clear. Do the brushes hate me, am I living in fear? Words spiral, and I feel misheard, in a world that's often weird. I have so many people around, yet no one feels real. Only phones feel the connection, a sensation so surreal. I wish I had the power to be Bluetooth; maybe then, I wouldn't be so askew. Is this real? How can I feel? It rips my mind to extremes, and I don't fear it anymore, as it's become my silent theme. I feel so afraid, but it scares me no more. In a world so vast, it's the only feeling I know: the emptiness, the dark, where my emotions flow. They always have my back, in this endless arc. What is this feeling? Am I really alone?

Alone again, my thoughts lead me into the dark, battling demons, I reembark. Another year scars my soul, departing from my teenage spark. As I go about the day, I guess I'm not struggling alone, but my struggle will always be my own, and I will have to face it all alone.

~a piece by Simran Sadangi.

I hope you all enjoyed this piece and that it resonated with your hearts. I poured my heart and soul into these words, and I'm grateful to have shared this with you. That's all for today, but I'll be returning soon with more thoughts and stories to share. Until then, have a wonderful day! Thank you.