A Laborer of Love

You sold me 
on the dreams 
you had for us
so I signed the contract 
without a second thought.

You told me 
I just needed 
to put in the work 
and we’ll be happy.

I just needed
to dig deeper
get personal,
emotional,
and vulnerable 
for you to see all 
that I tried to bury,
promising me you’d 
still love me
unconditionally.

So I picked up a shovel 
and put on my gloves 
so I could get nice and dirty.

Digging through 
the weeds 
and the gravel 
to please you 
and show you 
how I was never
afraid or ashamed 
to put the work in
and work for you.

No, I meant to say us

because this is what all the 
work is for right?
To earn your love

by missing out 
on sleep
and putting in 
the extra hours
even though I’m tired.

So, I dug mindlessly,
yet with intent
to find your heart 
and hold it tightly.

Searching for the warmth
I crave throughout
my lonely nights
with just my now
rusted shovel,
torn up gloves,
and the cracked hands
you told me
are too rough
and too hard
to hold.

Still my hands 
remain on the handle

praying that today
would be the day
I strike gold

and feel your gentle touch
and warm embrace,
but I guess 
you thought 
I was Zero
because no matter how fast
or how many holes I dug
it was never enough.

You just told me
to “keep digging.”
“Look over there,
another place you left
whole and untouched.”

Never caring about 
how much blood 
seeped through 
my gloves,
barely holding on
by a thread,
while you threatened
to cut it
like just another loose end.

And oh yeah,
you’ll never
get tired of
reminding me 
how I still ain’t
dug deep enough.

Yet here I stand 
with my trusty ol’ gloves
and my shovel barely in hand.

Prepared to prove my love,
hoping today
would be the day
you finally saw just
how deep I’d dug.

But looking around 
at all these holes,
I can’t help but wonder
where I started,
how much further
I have to dig,
and how much
of myself
is left to give?

Maybe it’s about time
I realized 
that I signed
my life away.

And you’d only hoped
that today would be the day
I dug my own grave.