A Knowing You Can't Ignore

Some words on worthiness:

Wake up

Already hating my life

Dreading the day

Sick with worry

Prayer

Please don't let me mess up

Please don't let me hurt someone

My intentions are good

Positive mindset

On the bus

Thank God for the time on the bus

Can't go back

Pretending I'm OK

Anxiety

And the coffee doesn't help

But it's small sips of joy or distraction

I don't even know anymore

Ignore what I think they are saying

Thinking

Sometimes I'm great at not even caring

But wouldn't I rather

A better feeling

The better feeling is

I know

I would never

Hurt someone

Like that

And in truth

I'm not the one

Who is hurting the most

It takes someone

Who is hurting

To hurt others

Like that

So

I send them love/

It's what I've been through

It's what I've crawled up and out of

That has expanded my heart

In ways that feel so good

Beyond the hurt

Existing in the hurt

So that I can feel love

That much more

For everyone

The ones who broke me

Myself

All existing for love

And so, thank you/

Grateful

Is a place that helps

Ground me

The souls who come

Into my life

Leaving a message

Of my worth

Imprinting on my heart

Reflecting what's already there

Keeping it open

Making more space

For the freedom

That's coming/

I still haven't found

That beautiful home

For my heart

I've tasted it

In moments like these:

Looking at my kids

Really looking at my kids

Hearing "Mommy" with a soft heart

A smile

On my soon to be teenage daughter's face

Remembering

I have a daughter

I have blessings

From my own womb

Knowing my little sister

Will listen with non-judgmental ears

Words spoken in poem books

And women over the internet

Feeling like they know what I know

Connection I crave

Strangers who are open

To feeling more

Refreshing

Comforting

I imagine

In the end

It feels like

When I'm standing by the water

And I breathe it in

It feels like

The cool calm lake

And the peace it brings me

It feels like worthiness, freedom, and love