A Fear

I hate hiding behind this mask

I hate hiding behind this smile, this “cute” laugh

I hate having to be this drone to be acknowledged

I hate having to hide to fit in and be accepted

But my question is, what does it mean to fit in?

And why do I care?

Because the truth is, I fit in no where

My mind is too wide full of never ending ideas and ambitions, backed by my heart that is filled to the brim with emotions

So I won’t blame it on society

I won’t blame it on the people in my life who have ruled me, or the people who try

I can only blame it on me

Too many ideas, ambitions, and emotions leave my heart and mind open wide

Open to be toyed with and broken by the reality’s of life

So I guess I hide because I fear this ‘reality’ of life

This reality that continues to consume me if I show any signs of living my life

But what’s wrong with this fear of being hurt?

Nothing. Nothing is wrong with fearing

Only if this fear holds you back from living the life you hope and deserve

So, I guess I don’t hate hiding behind this mask

I don’t hate hiding behind this smile, this “cute” laugh

I don’t hate having to be this drone to be acknowledged

And I don’t hate having to hide to fit in and be accepted

I hate this fear that I let consume me all these years

The fear that was etched into me mentally and physically;

Scarring my emotions that could only be seen through silent tears

So I am to blame

But I hope one day that I will see past this pain

And my heart and mind can be released from their titanium cage

When will this mask of fear and pain shrivel up, die, and whither away?

So I can finally leg go of all these “I hate’s”

So I can finally say “I love” and let my mind and heart run free

Yes, so I can finally be alive and live my life as me