A different kind

You see I never really let the anger out

About you and what you did when you left me wondering about

Words were said, emotions unclear

to the point that you ran out of fear

I held on for a year with such strong hope

That you were alive and not dead due to dope

But it wouldn’t matter if you were still breathing now would it

Because you abandoned J when all he needed was a father

But we already know you couldn’t even bother

I forgave you for the lying, cheating, stealing

Because I rose above it and knew I needed healing

I loved you for longer than I should’ve

I honestly thought you never would’ve

Up and left right out the door

Leaving your burdens for me to weep and throw myself down on the floor

No one was there as I watched the world turn

I was alone wishing my soul to burn

I am no longer that person living in hate

Because this is my fucking life and I choose my own fate

Everyone would come to me with eyes full of pity

Instead of using their time to find you and truly help me

People would rather look at me thinking I was such a waste

Bet they never thought that I would rise up and give death something to taste

I pushed and pulled

I clung on to what I knew

Josh, John, Henry, Bob

Sarah, Brit, and some bitch named Whit

All of these people came to me with all of these sightings all the while knowing they were shit

I prayed, I cried

I turned gray from the inside

All of the burdens that were placed on my shoulder I let take over me turning my heart ever colder

Do you see the sense of my past tense?

Does everyone see I have nothing to prove because I chose to walk my own way and live in my truth?

I am not bitter, I am not sad

I am not sorry, I am not mad

I gave what I could and almost lost what I would

Have I allowed myself to run in figure eights seeking out where you had all of those secret dates

Oh I found out, and yes I know now

The true horror of that story(as it is of another life, fuck you if you won’t let me live mine)

Is that I bled myself dry chasing you down and lost all my glory

I lost myself, lost my soul, and thought I would never feel whole

I had ripped my chest to shreds hoping I could find my heart

But all that was left was nothing but a simple thread

This thread that I wove back to and fro

Starting this quilt of mine from the last thread I found of life

I stitched together piece by piece

Every beautiful and long lasting memory

Of you? No. If only everyone else would know.

This is me.

The horror of this story is how society expected me to give up my glory

But no, I didn’t.

And no, I won’t.

I’m going to love my life and let love flow.

I am going to grow from this quilt and have a beautiful family house built

J will have a father would never feel like a bother

I will have a man who will always love me and next to me he’ll stand

He won’t give up, he won’t give in

He will rise to the challenges of life and handle them with a grin

The victor of this story is the woman who wrote it.

She turned hate into power

Sorrow into joy

She chose sweet over sour

So she can live happily ever after with HER little boy.