19 Children, 2 Teachers

it’s like a drumbeat

irregular. uneven…

some.beats.come.quickly

some. come. slowly.

some are loud!

and others hardly a whisper...

most of the time i can tune it out

we all can to some extent

we need to

in order to continue

we make dry comments

about how we are desensitized

at this point

and we are

mostly

it’s the only way for

children teachers and parents

to carry on

but at night

when the lights are off

i wonder what their faces looked like

if their teachers loved them

as much as i love my own students

if they looked to their teacher for guidance

for help

the same way my students look to me

when someone drops a book in the hall

the only solace i have found

is reviewing the plan

what i would do

what i would say

i have spare sweaters in my classroom

they can be bandages

the strap from my backpack

or my faux leather belt

could be tourniquets

the tampons in my drawer

can stop a gushing hole

i have a t-ball bat

stashed near my door

i should buy a couple door jams

first we barricade the doors

with every table desk and chair

we open the windows

i'm lucky my room is on the first floor

i’ll yell for them to go

go behind that building

then down the hill

into the trees

find a house

find a car

just keep running

i’ll be right behind you

everything will be okay.

***

I wrote this poem the night of the school shooting at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas on May 24, 2022. It was a normal day of teaching for me, it was my dog's 2nd birthday, and it was the last day those children and teachers were alive. I can't imagine those horrible moments, but that is what myself and countless other teachers must do during every active shooter drill and after every new school shooting.

Now, I share this poem while a man who has killed 18 people in Lewiston, Maine, just last night an hour from my own home is on the loose, armed, and dangerous.

Please, for the sake of every child, teacher, parent, and person you know or will ever know, fight for change. No other developed nation has lost this many children at school. We must do better for our nation's children. And we must do better for our nation.