100 Cups of Tea

I love you like you don’t want me to. –You broke me apart

I’m crying for my body

Being wasted

As the days keep

Passing me by

Why am I so unappealing?

To the bodies I want? –No witness

The truth is

I may never

Be able

To let you

Go

That’s how it feels

Like I’ll always

Be looking

For you

Wondering

If you’re looking

For me

And why?

I’m not someone

Who can easily

Get over

The why? -Questions

I can’t escape

Your name

A constant reminder

Of you

And

It never ends -Name in cement

I want something

It’s a craving

On the edge of realizing

Not satisfied yet

Please don’t let it

Only be you

You’re not here

Never here

I need to find it

In something else -My something

Wasabi in a puddle

And it’s embarrassing

Cold hands

Waiting for my bus

But I’m hungry

Take in my time alone

Even though

Body hurts

Need to keep

Pushing through

Still no you

But I’m being creative

No longer waiting

Wait

Check in

Remember

No waiting

Only for my bus

And my wasabi is in a puddle

Bright green mistake

On the ground

Where my eyes always search

For love

But that’s ok

Because I’m hot enough

And stranger kindness

I’ll be ok

Going back -Sushi story

I don’t know why

It has to hurt so much

But I need to stay grateful

Others are hurting more

I imagine

I feel their pain

Sick to my stomach

Tiny hearting hearts

Women who don’t have anyone

To hold them up

Hold them up

Hold each other up

Men

Who got broken

Somehow

And I love them all

All hurting

But I can still cry

Soft drops of love

For myself

Down my cheeks

It’s ok to want

Someone who feels right

To bury my face into

To feel my heart beat

Soft reminding

At night

When it’s all dark

Things are slowed down

And it’s ok to cry

I really need to sleep

Still, I torture myself

Thoughts of someone

I want

Soft and hard

And I really need

To cry -My softness

I let the photo pass me by

I let the poem sink down inside

And all the moments

I was hoping to share

With you

I’m left wishing

You were here

I guess

That’s why I

Let it go

Sometimes it feels like

It doesn’t matter

Because you don’t see me

Anyways

Trying not to feel

Like that -Something else to live for

Lost my trust

In what eyes say

Doubt fills up

Am I even here?

Or creating characters?

To accompany me

In a blank existence -I thought

I try to convince myself

My heart is enough

I’m enough

But the thoughts

My mind tells me

Otherwise

So many beautiful women

Who would want me?

I’m already ruined -Like a new stained shirt

You can see it all

If it makes you

Feel

Less alone

I grew this light

In my eyes

With some inspiration

Of wanting him

Not having him

And trying to let it all go -Exposed

I force myself

To breathe

You out

When all I want

To do

Is breathe

You in

For once- No chance