You Would Have Loved Him

Almost five years ago, a tragic accident took the lives of multiple family members who I loved dearly. After this loss, I was terrified that I would be incapable of opening up my heart to new love. But that changed after I adopted my pug from a shelter in 2020. His name is Wadjet, and he has brought me so much joy and healing to my broken heart. I have heard other people say about their rescue pets that it was actually the pet who rescued them. I thought it sounded so cheesy, until it happened to me.

I wrote this poem to honor the bittersweet feelings of gratitude for my dog child, while also mourning that the people I have lost cannot be here to know and love him too.

When writing this piece, I was specifically thinking of my brother. We were very close in age, and I considered him to be one of my best friends. Something we strongly bonded over was spending time with “his” dog (I say this because my brother is the one who brought him home and begged our mom to let us keep him, but he truly became the family dog). He was a “Bulloxer”, an American Bulldog and Boxer mix, named Chance. The person that my brother got Chance from swore that he was a descendant of the dog from the Homeward Bound films, which were some of our favorite childhood movies. My brother and I loved taking Chance on walks and visits to the park together. Sadly, Chance crossed the rainbow bridge about a year after the death of my brother. It brings me comfort to imagine Chance reunited with his master in the afterlife. Because of all the special memories I have of my brother and I with his dog, I especially wish he could have had the chance to meet my pug.

For anyone who is going through the pain of grief, my hope is that you will have experiences of finding new love. I was afraid that it would be impossible to let my guard down and create new relationships. I thought that I couldn’t possibly handle anymore suffering, and that it would be safer to close myself off so I could limit the amount of losses I would have to endure. But one of my favorite quotes that has helped me navigate these fears is from the book Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Foer: “You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.” While I know that I will continue to miss my loved ones for the rest of my life, I am so thankful that Wadjet has shown me the beauty of new beginnings.

//

There is someone new in my life

He makes my days feel sweeter

I was scared before he came along

That I would never get better

//

Because after you stopped breathing,

The sunlight seemed to dim

But he cleared the clouds, it’s brighter now...

I know you would have loved him.

//

He’s got a goofy grin, he’s silly

Turns me red when I get blue

Says hi to strangers walking by

Just like you used to do

//

He’s giving me more snapshots

For my heart’s photo album

Wish I had one with you both in it...

I know you would have loved him.

//

Maybe one night, I’ll have a dream,

And you two would be there, too

You’d meet and become instant friends

I’ll pretend that it is true

//

That these visions behind my eyes

Aren’t just a brain mechanism

And I’ll tell you before I wake up,

“I knew that you would love him”.