My Lucky Penny

Pictured above is some therapy parts-work I had done with my my E.M.D.R. therapist in July of 2020. To anyone unfamiliar, in a nut-shell, these images represented the different parts of myself ranging from my self-destructive self to my care-free/ joy- like self. This daunting task of evaluating what makes up, well..me, was difficult and made me realize there are many more parts to me than just the self-destructive patterns I had learned and been taught. This was the point in my recovery journey where everything started to make more sense, and as much as I wish I could tell you that was a relief or made life easier, it didn't, however what life had in store for me just around the corner was going to be one of the best parts yet.

It was May of 2020, Covid-19 was still a big deal, and I was feeling how most of us were, scared and maybe even hopeless. I was working in therapy as per usual, and making some progress, but something just felt off to me, something felt wrong and I couldn't put my finger on it. Maybe it was the trauma work I was doing in therapy and the fact that my mother and step-father who were still in my life at the time, were the cause of the trauma, or maybe it was the universe's way of telling me that change was needed.. or maybe it was both.. I'm sure my therapist would tell me it's a little of both. I say this phrase more often than I think I ever have before, but honestly, I couldn't tell you where the feeling of being ready came from. It just felt right, so, as random as me talking about trauma and parts-work sounds, on this random day, May 22, 2020, I decided to bring home a dog from the local Humane Society.

I know what you're thinking, it seems impulsive and dogs are a commitment, not just a fun toy to play with for a while and then return later; they take work and time too. I knew all of that going into it, as I've had dogs in my life before, but something about this time was different. I didn't want a dog, I needed one, and so, my partner and I started our search for available dogs to adopt for a whole day and the very next day we met...miss Penelope!

This baby girl had clearly never been allowed on a couch in her life, she was very unsure of her surrounding and barked at everything, including her own reflection in the big closet door mirrors. Thankfully, my partner already had her emotional support dog, Sadie, to help teach Penelope the ropes a bit. It took time, but soon they were best buddies, oh, and we shortened her name to Penny.

I knew as soon as I saw Penny in the yard at the Humane Society that she was meant to be mine, but what really sealed the deal was late one night when I was having a panic attack.

It was only a week into having Penny home, emotional break downs were not unfamiliar to me, but this was the first one with Penny around. For safety, boundaries, and honestly, space, we tried to teach Penny to sleep in her crate at night, what happened next is something I'll never forget.

As I was balled up in bed uncontrollably crying, not sure what to do to soothe myself or what to tell my partner to do to help, she suggests opening Penny's crate. I shook my head yes to give it a try, Emily opened it, and Penny immediately jumped up onto the bed to my rescue and laid right beside me as if to say "I'll take it from here." I didn't even know what I needed in that moment, but she did. The comfort she provided is something I can't even describe with words and can only hope others will get to understand in a lifetime. This dog is so special to me, and I knew from that moment on she would be my emotional support animal, and she'd make a damn good one too.

Our lives have not been the same since adopting Penny, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I'll take the barking, jumping, and even the slobber any day, over a home without her.