King Kilo

I’m Kilo, my humans say that I am a “flame point siamese cat”. I have long whiskers for the best senses, stunning white fur, eyes as blue as the ocean and a striped orange tail that I like to wag when I am ferociously hunting. I am gorgeous, my sister Bella only wishes she were as beautiful as me! I think that is why she sometimes attacks me - jealousy is not a good look BELLA! Anyways, my life as a lion had been great up until the humans got this new pet camera. They think that it is me breaking things while they are gone. Can you believe that? It was all “my baby boy” and “what a pretty boy he is” and now this?

They even say that I am fat. Hypocrites...I see them stuffing their faces every night after the little humans go to sleep. I would have gotten away with drinking from their cups whenever they leave the room too, if it were not for that pesky camera. I was scammed, scammed I tell you! Plus, I am only 21 lbs because I need to fight off the prey in the jungle. Just the other week a fly attempted to invade and take over our empire and who was it that got rid of the fly? That is right - me! Those humans would not be alive if it weren’t for my protection. You know what else? I don’t get fed nearly enough so I usually eat whatever I can find: the dumb dogs food, the humans food when they are not looking, scraps...I’m not picky - heck, I even ate from the trash before.

So as a punishment for not rewarding me for being me, when the humans left yesterday, I looked right into that camera and knocked it off the table. I thought that the humans would finally obey but obey they did not. Instead, the humans moved the camera and so today I must knock off something else on to the floor. I try to get to a max of 5 things knocked over per day. Next step is to try and find what looks to be the most breakable. I will get back to you later with the results.

The humans expected to catch me scratching their furniture on film, but I bet they did not anticipate the smelly dog to eat my hair ball after I groomed my silky smooth fur. Their faces were priceless. As smart as the bonehead mutt, I tell you.

I know I sound like a mean cat but I really am not. In fact, I am the sweetest most lovable cat that ever existed! That is why the humans need to pay for their mistakes. Getting a pet camera was a bad, bad idea! They should know that it is we, the cats, who own them. Those humans did not even appreciate when I took on the battle of my life to bring them their reward of a dead mouse. The ungratefulness is disgusting! Why do they not understand that I am pure royalty? The delusion is astounding.

My daily excursions of getting in to the house plants tend to go unnoticed as well. It is a bit confusing though as they leave the plants out for I to chew but do not treat me for my hard work of digging.

Well I believe it is my time to go now. This is all starting to bore me. I must search for a clean hamper of folded clothing to sleep on for the entire rest of the day.

You are welcome.

From Kilo

p.s- tell the humans to get rid of the pet cam or I will meow as loudly as possible when they try and sleep tonight