Did Somebody Say Squirrel?

As every dog knows, there is nothing better than a long, uninterrupted catnap to get their tails wagging. Especially if this nap is both proceeded and followed by the obligatory treats, head scratches, and cooing of the, “who’s a good boy?”.

Yes, you as a dog owner know exactly which nap I am referring to. It’s the everyday and sometimes twice a day period, where we, as humans, must leave our furry pals to fend for themselves. I mean let’s face it, someone has to bring home the bacon.

Even though we don’t always have a choice when it comes to leaving them alone, we do always make sure they feel loved and spoiled before we go.

After devouring that tasty MilkBone.. oh wait, so as not to offend anyone let’s just imagine a morsel of pumpkin-infused duck confit wrapped in grain-free probiotic jerky... Okay, after devouring that tasty goodbye treat, they wag their happy pooch butts over to their bed, generally circle one to three times and plop down. Plop right onto that indent of memory foam that perfectly fits them from snout to tail. Now they take a nice relaxing nap while their humans are away.

That is generally speaking.

That is not this tale. This tale is about an adventure of epic proportions embarked upon by two unattended fur babies. One, a precocious pup named Indiana and the other a reluctant old boy named Maxwell.

Now, before I continue to relate the events of this grand adventure the stubborn, grizzled Maxwell would like to interject and let the readers know that I have screwed this entire story up since the first sentence.

First of all he has NEVER taken a ‘catnap’ in his life. He much prefers ‘siestas’. And secondly, while he is taking them his tail most definitely does not wag. (Trust me, I know it does, but it’s like trying to convince someone that they actually do snore.) Let’s just let him have this one.

You know what? Maybe I’d just better let him finish telling this story.....

“Ruff.” I wasn’t sure she would ever stop talking. Don’t get me wrong, she’s my favorite human and all, but she wasn’t actually there when all of this went down. So I’m not so sure about her credibility.

In fact, the only other pup around was my little brother, Indy. Even though he started it all it’s probably best if I tell it. Poor kid can’t even say ‘ruff’ properly. It comes out more like a high-pitched ‘yiiip’. Could you even imagine what his grammar would be like?

He’s a cute pup, but let’s face it, he’s a baby. I’ve had 173 naps ruined since they brought him home. I’ll let you do the math on that. I’m a dog who is currently writing a story. I don’t do numbers.

So... the afternoon in question was going like any other. I was asleep in my sliver of sunshine, one bone tucked underneath my paw, about to catch the fastest squirrel in the entire world when Indy climbs up on top of me and just sits.

Now, this normally doesn’t bother me because I know the kid can’t see out the window on account of how short he is. So I let him stay.

Trust me folks. When my owners say it, they ain’t lying. I really am a good dog.

Anyway. Just as I start to let my eyes droop again he nudges my head.

“Maxxy,” he yips in my ear. “I found it. I finally found it this time.”

Now here’s a thing you gotta know about Indy: he’s always on a treasure hunt for something. I think he’ll eventually grow out of it. Just a young pup thing, you know.

“Indy,” I bark back, “if you’ve found that treasure why are you bothering my nap? Go explore.”

This got a bit of a reaction from him as he nipped my ear in indignation.

Now here is another thing about Indy: he might be a tad touched in the head. He swears up and down that his actual name is Dr. Henry Jones Jr., even though we BOTH heard the humans name the dog Indiana.

It’s okay. I am used to tolerating his crazy. I roll over, dropping him to the floor, determined to continue my nap.

“Maxxy, you don’t understand,” he whimpers. “ I have found a wonderland. It’s spectacular.” He jumps on me again at which point I emit a warning snarl.

Indy knows what this means and I know that I will finally be able to have some peace and quiet.

Moments later I hear the creak of the back bedroom door being nosed open.

My eyes droop heavier. The sunlight from the window feels fantastic. There are some slight rustling and crashing sounds but I think it must all be a part of my dream.

I’m running across a field. I’m scampering through a forest. I’m about to bound into a lake when all of a sudden my slumber is interrupted by my all-time, absolute favorite word, “Squirrrrrellll”.

It’s Indy yipping from the back room.

My eyes pop open and I bound to my feet so fast I get tangled in the dog bed. As I’m turning the corner, sliding on the hardwood, I hear it again.

“Squirrel, Maxxy, Squirrel!”

I skid through the doorway, my back paws sliding past my front. My tongue is hanging out, I’m panting hard, my eyes bugging, and that’s when I see it.

It is a wonderland! A true wonderland. If me, as a dog, could read C.S. Lewis I would have sworn we had stepped through a magical wardrobe.

Spread out in front of me is the forest from my dreams, except everything sparkled. Everything smelled like pumpkin treats.

I had been in this back bedroom so many times and I had never seen anything quite like this.

Indy sat sparkling in the middle of a million green tree branches. He was surrounded by so many shiny balls you could tell he wasn’t sure which to chase first. I could tell he had been playing one of his favorite games because scattered around the room was colorful paper torn all the way to the brown cardboard tubing.

“I should have believed you, Dr. Jones,” I said in awe, acknowledging him by his preferred name.

He didn’t answer me, he just looked up towards the top box stacked against the wall.

And there it was. Sticking out of that box like the answer to every pup’s dream. Long and fluffy. Grey and white.

It was a squirrel and it hadn’t seen me yet. It was a squirrel and I had a chance to finally catch it. It was a squirrel and it was mine.

I saw then why Indy had called me in here. The box was too high for him to reach.

I took one glance at Indy sitting on his boughs of greenery surrounded by mystical balls and I bounded. My fangs just barely reached the tuft of the tail and I brought it down with my head shaking, slobber flying. The boxes crashed every which way around me but I had that squirrel firmly in my mouth.

Indy jumped in to play right as we heard the front door open.

We scrambled into the living room, so proud, as our human entered the house. Her phone was tucked under her ear and a large stack of plastic tubs in her arms. The kind of tubs one might purchase to store decorations in the attic.

She took in the sight of Indy covered in glitter, trailing six feet of garland behind him and me, the good dog, with half a styrofoam squirrel clutched in my jaws.

The plastic tubs hit the ground as she whispered into the phone, “I think I’m going to have to call you back.”