Your Little Black Book

It took no longer than a single second before spreading like wildfire across the globe and no... I’m not talking about that reeking stench of a thing hell burped straight out in 2020 we named Covid 19.

I’m talking about when the second hand ticks over midnight on that other small thing we call: New Years Eve.

I know we all started with hope in the new decade. Some of us had them crazy high, while others of you had none at all, but regardless of where those hopes lie the clock ticks over and has no respect for your nation, culture, status, or bank account to go ahead with or without you into the new year.

A new year has this thing about it, it lours even the non adventurous type into trying new things. Do HIIT workouts but stop running, eat superfoods but no carbs, drink more wine but less coffee, in with the old out with the new, but then out with the old and in with the new… I can’t keep up with the experts' advice. With so many opinions and information floating around we are left to ponder the pressing questions like: “Sooooo... do I drink wine and coffee every day or not?!”.

The thought of all the potential changes to our appearances is exhausting me and I haven’t even mentioned the upgrades we do on phones, cars, and everything in between… but it all adds to the self branding we create that attracts that little sphere of relationships surrounding us…

I often get stuck in a deep thought on why I do the things I do, purchase the things I purchase, eat the things I eat, and even do the social activities I do… which leads me down the path of ‘shock horror’ how I have yet again, unknowingly allowed social culture to have so much say in how I can improve MY life and relationships.

It doesn’t take long before I take a huge breath in, shake my head and say: “Corinne… you're the one and only with the power to actually make the changes to improve your life, so stop getting distracted with all the nonsense flying around on the outside and get back to the inside.”

Which brings me to the point of conversation if we’re having coffee, brunch, wine O’clock or whatever it is that we are allowed to socialise in these days with the uninvited guest Covid still stenching around. So now... ask me the secret ingredient to some part of my life you think is perfect. Although I think it’s imperfect or a chaotic disaster at the moment. And here comes the answer which is not found in what I eat, who’s my hairdresser, where I get my lashes done, what car I drive, street I live in or who I'm dating. Although he does bring out the best in me I can’t give him that kind of credit for my life nor can I give it to brands, marketing and certainly not the culture I live in…

All the past years wellness goals, resolutions, ‘Dear diary’ entries and accountability contracts you and I made with our own souls for things like: Sober Sundays, Drug Free Fridays, and for some of you there is even one like: Stranger Snog Free Saturday. 2021 is the year where I am finally giving myself sole credit on a formula that works every time for me on the ‘health kick starter’ and ultimate ‘shred’ to rid excess life issues and drama.

So what kind of formula are we talking about here Corinne? I’m so glad you asked, it’s hidden deep within in the choice I made back in 2018 to push through and stay in the new layer of wholeness and maturity in my own emotional health.

I can already hear some of you saying “eeeewww no thanks, too messy and too hard” others saying “ I made that choice already and tried back in 2017, 18, 19 and 20… but it didn't work and nothing changed”. Then there is someone else saying “It’s the blind spot in life as I know it and I need an SOS before I get into this new relationship because I think this is the one! Now give me your strategy!”

To the one who wants to be emotionally healthy and have healthy relationships, I say good for you! I’m proud of you if no one else has ever told you before this moment. I need to start with a small disclaimer: the choice to start without seeing my personal blueprints is not the biggest problem you’ll ever face, it's just a minor speed bump to kick start your journey because my strategy wont work for you. Emotional healing is where this health train starts but it doesn’t finish here. Although my issues may be relatable to you they are not the same, so your strategy just like mine, is tailor made. Now I hear you yelling ‘Oh great Corinne so where do I get this tailor made strategy if you don’t give it to me!’.

You don’t know it yet but you my friend, already have it.

You see, every person you have ever encountered and interacted with your entire life from your first childhood memory until this very moment your reading my words has helped form your view of yourself and those around you.

It has unknowingly and sometimes knowingly taught you to categorise people from their appearance, actions and words. And also helped shape you from your personal encounters with people.

We all have some form of relationship whether it be family, friend, professional or romantic. Regardless if you want them to or not, they affect your emotional wellbeing.

I've been through my fair share of family drama and dysfunction over the years and often feel like it seems to get more intense the older we get. If you haven’t got a crazy family member, maybe you're the crazy one… Jokes but also serious ha!

Without a choice I've also endured some tough relationships within friends and family. So along the years of my teens through to a young adult I picked up some hella heavy suitcases of emotional baggage. I also know what it’s like to be in a healthy, functioning relationship where the other person brings out the best in you, causing you to smile at yourself when you realise there is still so much more in there to overflow out.

I just felt someone say: “Stop right there at the entry point into a sappy love story of beauty from brokenness Corinne”. Insert eye roll. LOL

I’ll tell you that love story another day from my Little Black Book... plus the contents from twelve other journals over the last four years!

But for today I’ll start with your Little Black Book… Yes yours! That plan and strategy for healthy relationships is not found in me nor anyone else in the matter. It’s found in your Little Black Book. The one that you were gifted and tucked away with the intention to use at a later date. The one you think is full of blank pages…

That Little Black Book is not just an empty notebook the giver thought was the perfect gift choice for you at the time, it was more valuable than any gift given or received…

That notebook contains the wisdom, knowledge and power to change your life. “But Corinne its blank!”. I hear you say.

Let me tell you a little story. The situation you are finding yourself in today was me in December 2017, and I was given the gift of my very own Little Black Book. I did what you did, tucked it away with every intention to write when I thought I had something to write about.

There passed day after day, week after week and month after month as time ticked by, so did denial about something that was trying to resurface in my emotional health. I was a total boss at life after dealing with every dysfunctional connection I knew I had. I thought I express post the last bit of baggage off with the divorce papers.

Realisation I was wrong hit hard years later when the opportunity arose and I thought I was ready to allow myself to trust again. I missed a giant gaping hole full of emotions buried beneath other functioning parts I had relearned and was mastering… how did I miss it?! I mean, I know you can’t see your emotions but they still give you a good show every once in a while so why didn’t I feel them before this moment?! It was right then I remembered the smooth feeling on the black covered journal I was given the year before.

The moment instantly sends me into a desperate search for where I packed it away. I pulled out boxes, sifted through selves, and couldn’t find it anywhere… I even entered the dark abyss into the back of the wardrobe.

Here I am rummaging through my duffle, travel bag, even my device bag which I knew was impossible for it to be, but searched through anyways. Defeat for the day was setting in and just as I said under my breath “I give up, there is nowhere else to look... but I will find you tomorrow!” I spun around to get up off the floor and in the left corner of the wardrobe I saw the trigger that hit my memory like a home run. It was the movie scene when the spotlight shines down onto my classic black leather backpack and Kanye's Sunday Service choir sings ‘hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah hallelujahhhhhh!’

I knew right then it was inside that bag! The last time I had used it was the year before and I had gone on a short trip from Sydney to Los Angeles, there wasn’t even time to get jet lagged and I arrived home a day before my birthday which was now all a blur of memories inside that bag with the little black book! I jumped up, ripped the bag off the hook and pulled the zipper open so fast I was like a kid who just realised the bag had $20,000 worth of candy stashed inside.

The race around the world in my memory to find the book stopped in slow motion as I felt deep inside ‘this is where your healing starts, let it flow”. I don’t know how long I lingered in that moment on the floor processing the thought of ‘this is where my healing starts’, but not before long I stood up as I felt it again and just had the knowing: ‘now it’s time to write!’ So there I stood with The Little Black book in one hand and the backpack slipping out of the other.

As the backpack hit the ground, the thud echoed in the realisation I had come into a fortune of wisdom and knowledge that was already inside of me and now was time for my custom designed strategy to be released from the creator, to pen and paper. This book was about to be filled with game plans no coach could ever strategies over, because the experiences dripping with the answers was inside of me and the value in years to come was beyond the $20,000 grand prize. It was the gift that will forever keep giving: my choice to open up and use my words…

Your choice to turn the blank pages and pour your heart out onto paper will release the ultimate start to the healing journey you never knew was even a path you could take.

As you fill the pages with words, you will flick back to the first page sooner rather than later and read that you had the plan and strategy for yourself to have healthy relationships all along.

As you rewrite your happy ending you will realise it’s only just the start...