Yes, I Admit It

I'm 19. When I was younger I thought that at 19 I'd either have everything figured out or I'd be famous enough to not care about having everything figured out. But now that I am who I am, I can't believe that at this kind of age I'm supposed to have my whole life figured out, according to my parents of course. At one point I did of course, but then I realized there was so much more than textbooks and equations. I guess I could say they don't understand, and maybe they don't but what if they do. I have probably gone through every phase possible and I am proud to admit it that yes, I dream a lot. At one point in my life I dreamt of being up on a stage wearing fabulous clothing and having crowds sing my songs with me. Then I thought I'd be a dancer, artist, photographer, actress, etc. Little did I know how powerful shyness and intimidation could be. Now, I like to write. I like to do a little bit of everything and although I've searched everywhere theres no job that allows me to do that. My biggest fear is doing something that I hate everyday because then every thing that I have gone through would have been for nothing. I'm passionate about a lot and I know that I'm the only one holding myself back. I just wish parents and people in general saw what I see in my head.

Yes. I admit it. I am a dreamer. I get laughed at every time I come up with something else I want to try and start up. I can't describe how much my parents laughed when I said I didn't want to be a surgeon anymore, I wanted to be a writer. Every day they give me reasons to give up and just settle for whatever kind of job I can get. They tell me that I won't be pretty and young forever, but somehow I feel like I have all the time in the world. I do wish there was a way to show them that I can become something of myself and be happy at the same time.

Dreaming about becoming all of these things is what keeps me alive. It let me explore myself as person and still lets me explore everything that isn't crummy retail jobs. I know that at some point I have to stop dreaming and start doing. Sometimes, that's really hard because I don't know where to start. Thinking about it seems so much easier to create some silly video on youtube and become something off a joke, but how long can a joke live on? I am going to continue to dream and eventually (really soon) start doing and trying. Maybe, just maybe I could prove them all wrong.

The world often times tells people how and who they are supposed to be. Sometimes those who deserve it most can't shine like they should because of what society says they need, whether that's money or attention depends on the circumstances. Ironically enough, it's those who have no idea what it's like to do these things hands on that have the kind of job that allow them to deem people like us worthy of being happy. Keep dreaming. It may not be the best thing ever, and it may not pay as much as I wish, but it keeps people like me going.

I'll stop dreaming eventually. But I don't want to be because the sparkle in my eyes dims out due to an average job. I want it to be because I make it. Even if I dream of becoming a million different things and doing a billion different things as long as what comes in the end makes me happy, it'll be worth it.