Worthy, a Gentle Nudge.

Not long after the passing of the late, great and everlasting Maya Angelou, I purchased her complete autobiographies. When it arrived it was thick and reminiscent of a bible. I had never been so excited to dig into a text so large. I remember waiting until the weekend, when my daughter would be away. I wanted minimal interruption and peace and quiet.

I sat up in bed, and opened the book. Immediately, my attention was drawn to the pattern that lines the inside of the cover. It was simple, yet sleek. And something about it resonated with me deeply. There were no words attached to the image but a thousand words began to run across my mind. I could feel one very specificity. The word was “worthy.”

At the time, I had just separated from my childs father. I had began to honor the fact that I am queer. And I had zero clue about the next steps in my life. I was afraid. How would I manage? What will people think of me? How do I explain this? Have I ruined my daughter? ...hell, who am I? To be fair, these are questions that I still grapple with because growth is a continuous process. The difference between now and three years ago is that that i have a gentle nudge to look down at, and it’s pushed me further than I could have imagined.

I’d decided as soon as i saw the image that it was a tattoo that was going on my body. And there was no questioning this. The download was clear and concise. It felt foolish to ignore. After a few hours of lounging around and reading, I googled the closet tattoo parlor. I remember waking in with the book, opening it up and saying “I want this right here! With the word worthy underneath it!” I was proud, anxious and probably a little annoying.

“Okay. Cool. Let’s get it drawn up. It’ll be $60...you got ID?”

They staff didn’t have half the excitement that I did. But it didn’t matter. I was claiming space and affirming my being in a way that I hadn’t before. I was owning my self. My body. My life. In a way that I hadn’t imagined was possible. I had one tattoo before getting this one. But this was different. This was a vow to my self. A gentle nudge and reminder. That I deserved all that my heart and soul desired. That I had divine purpose and that I’m worth it. That I’m worthy, regardless of the conclusions the world may come to about me. I had never affirmed myself in that way and it felt powerful. It was a beautiful moment in my life and I’m glad I trusted my inner knower and followed through.

Today, when I’m in need of a gentle nudge I look down at my wrist and see the imagine of a human stretching, reaching and being. And I’m reminded to the do the same, because I deserve it. Because I am worthy.