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Women and girls with autism

The invisible part of the spectrum

By GracekellyPublished 4 years ago 6 min read
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Every autistic person receives the same diagnosis: Autism spectrum disorder.  The '' symptoms'' of autism can vary from person to person. Autistic people can be moderate autistic others are high on the spectrum, and autism affects every area of their lives. Over the last years, several campaigns tried to educate the public about the different symptoms of autism and raised awareness about a condition which affects millions of people worldwide. Yes, it affects millions of ''people''. People, human beings no matter what gender they have. 

As an autistic woman myself, I still look with disbelief at our society and wonder when we started to think that a  ‘’neurological disorder’’ would affect just one gender. I’ve never told my patient ‘’ sorry you have symptoms of a stroke, but you can’t have one  because you are a woman.’’ 

Since we discovered the autism spectrum disorder over 60 years ago, the majority of our society still thinks autism is a disorder for boys and men. No matter how hard our society tries to fight every inequality between men and women, the way we treat spectrum women is a shameful example of how far away our community is from treating people the same. 

The image of a nerd, sitting in front of a computer, programming the next software in the middle of the night is still stuck in peoples heads as the preferred example of an autistic person.Nearly no one hears the word

'' autism'' and thinks about the 16-year-old girl playing the piano, or the 35-year-old mother of 2 toddlers. 

Women on the spectrum rarely have access to the same support system as boys and men on the spectrum. The lack of empathy towards autistic women arises since we tend to blame autistic women for their behaviour instead of recognising it as a part of their neurological condition. 

Let's look at some autistic behaviour traits and see how different we respond: 

Routines 

Boys and men who prefer to have a strict routine are more tolerated and accepted as being autistic.Let’s just think back to the computer nerd in the IT department who insists on having his coffee cup at the exact same spot on the table every day.People respond with humour and wipe it off with a smile on their faces. 

Women, on the other hand, are often widely criticised for the same behaviour trait:Our society is quick with self-diagnosing them with OCD and explain their need for order and routine only with the typical difference between men and women. Husbands produce chaos, and the wife likes the house clean and everything in order. An autistic woman who works in an office and insists on her strict order of things on her table is an easy target for her co-workers. ‘’ Controllfreak’’ and ’’ picky’’ are just some of the words with which this behaviour is often described. 

Sensory overload and meltdowns

Yes, boy and men can have meltdowns but are probably more likely to shut down or freeze.Men can experience sensory overload, but, as we discussed, they are more likely to show their stress symptoms differently.Apart from that, our society responds differently to men who feel sensory overloaded. We see men hiding outside in the garden while the ladies enjoy themselves inside at the cocktail party and don’t think that there is anything wrong with it. Our society accepts it as ‘’ the way they are’’.

On the other hand, a woman leaving the cocktail party and hiding in the garden for the rest of the evening is not socially acceptable. People tend not to think that even when you are female, you can dislike social engagement the same way as a men do. As a woman on the spectrum you can already prepare yourself that once you go back to the party that people will bombard you with questions and show their underlying feeling of being offended

‘’ don’t you like it here?!’’, ‘’ what’s wrong with you?’’,’’ You could say when you don’t like the food!’’ or my personal favourite‘’ your moodiness is ruining the evening’’.

We push women on the spectrum to hide their feelings and to wear a poker face.The way our society forces autistic women to pretend to be someone else comes with a considerable amount of emotional damage. After an evening long pretending to be someone else you are mentally and physically exhausted. Maybe you were able to act as everything is fine and hold your emotions back for 2 hours, perhaps also for 3 or 4 but once you’ve left the party your feelings will roll over you like a tsunami wave. 

Forcing such behaviour on an autistic women leads to a full-blown meltdown.

Females on the spectrum are more likely to have a meltdown instead of shutting down.

We cry we scream, we have panic attacks and we get overwhelmed by all the emotions we needed to suppress.

Some would think people would respond empathetic and see how much we suffer.Instead, we hear ‘’ women are way too emotional’’ and we shouldn’t ‘’overreact’’.Once again, our feelings are dismissed, and we find ourselves in a situation where we are forced to hide who we are.

Communication

Autistic people, in general, tend to communicate differently. We say what we think without a filter, we can come across as rude even though we never mean to be rude.

We are brutally honest and have issues to understand how a society can function when no one says what they think and why it would be more acceptable to lie sometimes instead of telling the truth. When we explain things to others, we come straight to the point and like supporting our arguments with well-researched facts,we hate small talk and social chit-chat.

All these communication patterns are widely accepted for men.

We understand that men don’t like small talk, we know they prefer to have a clear communication style and the sentence  ‘’ women never say what they think’’ is accepted as a truth in our society, which makes the lives of women on the spectrum even harder. No, it is not accepted that we say straight what we think without the expected ‘’ female politeness filter.’’ We are seen to be rude and bitchy when we don’t even mean to be.We have significant issues to identify with non-autistic women as their behaviour is far away from ours. Despite the fact, that at least communication-wise we share the same problem with men:‘’ We have no idea what she wants’’ - we are still treated as we would be a non-autistic woman.We face preconception, and we get treated the same.Autistic women face a particularly distressing problem, as they can’t relate to the typical behaviour of non-autistic women; they tend to relate more to men as they seem to follow a more suitable communication pattern. But instead of being accepted and find a place where they can fit in, way too often they face the prejudice of stereotypical opinions.  

As we can see, autistic girls and women don’t have it easy in our society.The way we interact with autistic females and how we treat them is still highly damaging to their mental health. 

It is time for our society to appreciate autistic girls and women. Every single one of them is unique and worth all the effort to help them to reach their full potential and be their best possible self. 

healing
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About the Creator

Gracekelly

I am a passionate, autistic writer based in London. My articles cover psychology/ mental health, justice, feminism and philosophy.

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