Why the Pursuit of Unwavering Happiness Could be Counterproductive

Before I started dating, I already had my ears fed with several things that happen in most dating relationships. One of them was that even with someone you love, you will have heated arguments and conflicts.

I never wanted to agree. I was one of those who believe in "they live happily ever" love stories. So when I started dating, I wanted to prove to them that "they-live-happily-ever-after'' relationships were possible.

So, I read articles on how to wow your girlfriend in 365 days nonstop and did my best to act on some of those suggestions. I sent her morning and goodnight love messages. I never hung up any call without saying " I love you". Sometimes I wrote her poems that got her head spinning.

I behaved like someone out of a romantic comedy and going over the top in my gifts and attention. All to make my friends jealous, and to make us seem like the 'perfect' partners.

As time passes, being with her no longer was a big deal. Because of familiarity, perhaps. The mist of love bombing began to settle she resorted to complaining and nagging. "You don't care about me anymore. You rarely send me midnight text, you no longer take me out on weekends, or show me to your friends..."

I felt she was all too selfish and inconsiderate. She doesn't even ask me how I managed to balance my schoolwork with writing. How and where I get the money to settle the bills each time we go for a date.

I found those attitudes irritating and a few other aspects about her that I was no longer comfortable with.

There is no such thing as living happily ever after.

Because I felt it was always going to be fun and love, I felt we were not met to be and so initiated a breakup.

Got into another relationship and the experience wasn't different. When the storm of life arose, I backed out again.

"You can't continue like this," a friend said to me. " You can't keep backing out when emotions wear out and reality sets in. If you keep doing this, you may end up braking breaking someone's heart who will cut off your head for playing with her emotions."

He sat me down that day and made me understand that the love stories i watch in movies and read in fairytales were quite different from what obtains in the real world.

He drew a few instances from his 4-year-old relationship with his girlfriend. And gradually the lesson sank into my mind.

The true pursuit of happiness starts with embracing reality.

Faking it until you make it never truly leads to genuine happiness. Whether in your personal life or relationship, the only sure ground for building lasting happiness is embracing the reality of daily human life.

In the real world, life happens, and life is filled with good times, bad times, and meh times. Says Gary Weldone.

In fact, your journey to happiness begins with embracing the reality of life. Trying to escape reality by brainwashing yourself to deny reality, or taking drugs is only just delusions. Facing reality is the foundation and starting steps to happiness.

Failure to understand the real world as it is will prevent you from achieving long term sustainable happiness.

There is no mindset that will ever annual a reality. If, for instance, you can't pay the bills, trying to think like those in the three-coma club like Bill Gates won't help. It may offer temporary relief. But the unpaid bills won't get paid.

Adopting mindsets that offer delusional relief but gets nothing done is not the way. Instead, acknowledge that the bills are unpaid because you don't have the money. Then really go out and find something to do that can get you the money to pay your bills. That's the beginning of your freedom from that financial challenge.

Build resilience by savoring the uncomfortable side of life.

It is only by savoring the two-sidedness of life - especially the uncomfortable side - that we can start living in the reality of genuine happiness.

The truth is regardless of whether you are male or female, super-hot, smart, wealthy or not, a criminal or the CEO of your own company, everyone has their crap, said Gary Weldone.

You may pretend it is not there. You may try and maintain the facade and hide it, but despite your best effort it always finds a way to reveal itself.

And you can't be at peace trying to suppress what you can't hide for so long. So why not just face it? That's the only way to build resilience into your nature.

Building resilience is a better alternative to denying the uncomfortable aspect of life in a bid to be happy. It helps you navigate the water of whatever life brings your way. You will learn to get the most both from the ups and downs of everyday life.

That's a better way to finding happiness.

Final thoughts

You can't find true happiness by trying to escape reality. The idea of pursuing happiness by denying reality is counterproductive. It distances people from true happiness than they realize.

• Embrace reality where everything happens - the good, bad, and the ugly. 

• Face your reality. Because it is yours. You own it. And only by embracing it and acknowledging it does the journey of happiness begins.

• Next, build resilience. Build it into your nature by learning to wade through the rivers of uncomfortable situations without complaining.

By so doing, you are learning to live life as it is and not as you wish it should be. From that standpoint, it becomes easy to find happiness and meaning in your daily life. That is how you find true happiness.