Why I Stopped Telling People To Forget Their Past

Have you ever met someone who told you, “let’s forget the past and move on”? Whenever I hear someone telling me to forget my past, my mind comes up with many critical questions.

It is nothing wrong with telling someone to forget the past to protect them from any sort of harm. However, it isn’t wise to mask reality and pain or jeopardize healing stages, with platitudes about how the past should be ignored and the present should be the only moment to be worshipped.

I strongly believe that it’s good to stop repeatedly telling someone what’s best for their life. For example, I stopped talking to Mr. Z, because Mr. Z is a disrespectful person who lacks maturity and emotional intelligence. I stopped all conversations with Mr. Z to safeguard my energies and protect my mental health and peace. Then after many years, a long-lost friend, Mr. Y calls up and repeatedly pressures me on the phone… “Dharan, past is past… you need to forgive Mr. Z and let go of the past bad moments. Let’s all get together for coffee and rekindle our old friendship.”

I had no choice as Mr. Y wasn’t listening to my concerns. Hence, I had to add Mr.Y to the block list together with Mr.Z.

There could be many reasons why we may have stopped or limited conversations with some people. There could be many reasons why we cannot let go of our past. The word let go is a highly spiritual word that is often carelessly used in many contexts.

There are some moments we can easily let go and some moments are really hard. It all depends on an individual’s choice, the impact of the emotional injuries, severity and depth of pain, and stage of healing on whether we want to forget the past, and continue talking to an unpleasant or harmful person…. (or maybe go out on a picnic with an energy vampire?).

If someone is battling with the flu, I can’t go and tell them to let the flu go. If someone is struggling with anxiety, I can’t go and tell them to let go of anxiety instantly. If I scold my employer, I can’t tell him immediately, “take it easy, my friend… let it go… I’m only scolding you for your own good.”

I’ve learned that I should never pressure a person to let go of the past without knowing how deep the person’s pain is, and how far their healing has progressed. Forcing a person to take any action that goes against their freedom of choice is actually a form of selfish and unconscious behavior. I’d say that it’s a kind of mental and emotional abuse to force someone. Just because I’ve forgiven a person, that doesn’t mean that I’m immediately healed and have fully recovered.

Spiritual Perspectives

Spirituality teaches us to stay in the present moment. But the past is equally important because it teaches us how to think, speak and act in the present and future. Here are my eight reasons why we shouldn’t urge others to forget their past.

The past is like a personal soul library. It contains my valuable books of life experiences and lessons I need, to deal and overcome present and future challenges.

The past is a library that contains my files of red flags and shields that protect me from high-risk situations and harmful people.

If you believe in karma, the past contains many of our karma books of joyful and painful lessons. The painful lessons keep us alert when communicating with certain types of unpleasant people, and teach us to avoid or limit conversations with such people.

Past karma reminds us that some unhealthy relationships have already ended. If we resume unhealthy connections or relationships, our suffering may re-begin. Never re-open any old doors that lead to misfortune.

The past reminds us of the good people we’ve met in life and also reminds us to practice gratitude in the present. Positive lessons teach a person to appreciate life, not to lose hope, and to treat others with respect.

The past teaches me to make choices that are within my control. Wrong actions in the past guide me to make better decisions or actions in the here and now. They teach me not to waste too much energy on ineffectual methods that are beyond my control.

At times, the past is an absolute no-go. The universe repeats past painful lessons over and over again until I become aware of them, and stop repeating the mistakes I made out of my own ignorance.

The past contains my diaries of deep self-reflection that have led me to a better version of myself. These diaries are also my personal reference guides that tell me how to live my life better today and tomorrow.

If I keep telling someone to forget their past, it’s like telling them to throw away or burn the valuable books in their library. Who am I to tell them or decide for them what’s best for them?

Wise Use of the Past and the Idea of Being in the Present Moment

We’re to remain in the present moment so that we don’t allow the past to mess our clear thinking process in the here and now. Being in the present moment also means being mentally clear and stable. The clearer and more stable our minds are, the more intelligent we become.

Staying in the present moment doesn’t mean burning our library of painful experiences and lessons, and becoming reckless beings who then repeat the mistakes of the past.

Healing is a gradual process. Each person is responsible for his/her own healing. Telling others to forget their past, in order to fulfill the expectations and desires of others is absolutely not the right way. I believe that it’s wise to let each person live his/her own life in peace.

The universe hasn’t written the same story for you and me. Everyone is a hero or heroine in his/her own story. Never let the wrong people come to you and lecture you, which indirectly harms your mental, emotional and spiritual well-being. Don’t let them become the false heroes of your life by telling you to completely forget your past.

I believe that it’s okay to listen to the points of others, but only follow them if your inner voice or heart agrees with the proposed point. Gain the freedom to decide what’s best for your mental and emotional health. As our wisdom grows, we can gradually develop the ability to transform our bad moments of the past into blessings of the present.

Instead of obliviously telling others to forget their past, I choose to listen to their perspectives and empathize. I remain mindful of not stepping onto their boundaries, and I allow them space to heal at their pace.

Take good care of your library.

Thank you for reading my insights.