Why I Don't Expect My Friends And Family To Read What I Write

Six degrees of separation

When I first started blogging, I had no idea who was going to read my stuff. It was a space for me to express myself, put feelings into words, and make sense of what was going on for me as a mom.

4 years later, I've had distant family members, anonymous strangers, friends of friends, folks I used to go to school with, and old coworkers reach out to me, praising me for what I've written. It's amazing how the power of the Internet and my affinity for words can connect folks across the world from all walks of life.

As part of this writing journey, I've noticed that most of the folks who have reached out are higher up on the six degrees of separation. Those who are close to me don't say much and I actually prefer to keep it that way.

What I write ≠ what you interpret

I remember this episode of The Big Bang Theory where Raj discovers the blog of a girl he is dating. He was hesitant to read it at first, feeling a bit creepy but then he breaks down and reads some entries. He finds out that she thinks he's feminine.

The next time they go out, he acts all macho which triggers her to want to leave. So he confesses that he read her blog; she explains that she didn't mean feminine in a bad way rather she thought he was sweet and thoughtful.

Every word that I've written can be misunderstood, misinterpreted, or misconstrued in some way or form. It is impossible for someone to read my words and know exactly what my intention and meaning are. I'd like to think those who are close to me know me well enough to not need to decipher what I'm trying to say.

I don't really read their stuff

To be frank, most of my friends don't have blogs and for those who do, I don't actually read what they write. The blogs and folks that I follow are those who I don't know in real life. I prefer to keep a distance between myself and the creators of the content that I consume.

I like having the latitude to interpret their words the way I see fit without the potential opportunity to find out the truth. It's like how you should never meet your ultimate idol because it will most likely be an underwhelming experience and you will end up disappointed.

I want the relationships I have with my friends and family to be open and honest. They know the real me versus the online me; they don't need to read about me in order to know who I am and I don't need to read about them in order to know who they are. We just know.

It's kinda self-absorbed

What am I? A famous celebrity or influencer or something?

Humans are social beings who like to talk about other humans; I know people gossip. But I'm not going to assume they gossip about me. It's self-absorbed to assume people want to know and/or already know a bunch of stuff about me.

Whenever I'm making friends or meeting someone new, it's always a turnoff when they say,

"Oh, you probably already saw this on my Instagram or Facebook or Twitter or blog or through the grapevine since we have so many mutual friends."

I'm like,

"No, I don't follow your stuff nor do I hear gossip about you. Why would that interest me when I am here in person with you?

If I hate it when someone says that, why would I think that for myself?

Zero expectations lead to zero disappointment

If I don't expect friends and family to read what I write, then it makes me less paranoid. In some ways, I like living in a bit of uncertainty. It's like Schrodinger's imaginary cat experiment where I don't know whether someone has read my stuff.

Maybe they have? Maybe they haven't. And it only gets revealed if they say something to me about it. If I don't have expectations, then there is no disappointment, only surprise.

I'd rather catch up in real life

Nothing beats having deep conversations with a friend or family member. That moment when they share a funny story with me or the reaction and response I get when I share a crazy story with them is priceless. I love chats that take us places, connecting both of us with laughs, tears, nostalgia or just cool insight about who they are that makes me feel utterly grateful to know them.

And you can't catch up like that by reading what someone writes.

So Readers, do you care if your friends and family read what you write? Why or why not?

This was originally published on my website on April 9, 2021.