Why I, A Broke College Kid, am Attempting Blogging in 2020. And Why You Should too.

Dear My Nonexistant, Unamused Audience,

*Insert Lord Farquaad voice here* Hello, Millenials, Boomers, and fellow Gen-Zers. It 'tis I, another cynical 19-something who, in a phrase, is just "trying her best".

I'm becoming an adult in a world where the only constant we have is an extention of the flu virus that is killing thousands if not millions. (don't quote me on that.) We don't know what's going to happen to the economy, or to our families, or to.. Anyone. It's scary, and I know what you're thinking. "Oh, this poor girl!! I hope she has an outlet, to be able to discuss her life in like, a diary, or a therapist.."

Well, Karen, I may have a therapist, but I've never been able to have the self control to keep a diary. So, I'm using the Gen-Z diary; the internet!

And if 2020 has taught me anything, it is that life is short. And if Jenna Marbles has taught me anything, is that "life is short, but also insufferably long". That being said, I believe I have a calling in life to bring joy, laughter, and slight annoyance to people in this world. And I believe you have that calling too. So, this long-winded intro aside, here are like, 5 reasons why you should start blogging on Vocal, or any other blogging app.

1. You're Not Funny.

No offense, but the mass audiences that flock to these sites won't find you funny. However, to the 15% of people who actually click on your article, you might've been the jokster of your middle school friend group, but to be honest, if that's the first big social achievement that comes to mind for you, then you also probably peaked in middle school. Big sad, Kyle. Big sad.

But, on the contrary, you will obviously have a niche! And every niche has an audience that needs to be fufilled with your laughter and joy and awful jokes about climate change. And y'know, if you have a way with words, and a decent sense of pacing, then you'll be humorous and funny.

2. You're Not Original.

Not to burst your invisible bubble of optimism that you're the only person who wants to blog about crocheted stuffed animals, but almost every single original idea is taken. Makeup review? Done before. Shien haul? Done before. Photo collage about your ex-girlfriend's dog who you kidnapped because she egged your car and now it's war? Probably already done before. I bet either David Dobrik or one of those dumb Paul brothers have already done it.

But, plot twist! No one can do it like you can. I'm sitting here writing this article, and I know darn well that plenty of pathetic broke white girls have written pieces like this to try and entice followers, or readers or stuff, but it's true! Have you ever seen a musical or a play, then see it again with different people, and notice how different people play the same characters differently? Well, guess what; everyone does the same stuff differently.

And I want to see precisely how you got a Great Dane out of a Pomeranian-sized doggy-door. Go on, I'm waiting.

3. Your Life isn't Lavish Enough.

Not to burst your bubble, Amelia, but not all of us can be Alisha Marie, and bring in thousands of dollars a day by looking hot, or making super cool and well-timed videos by following the wave that is the Youtube algorithm. Some of us can, and y'know if you're one of those people, congrats!! I'm so proud of you for making it.

To counter this argument, let me just introduce myself. Hi, I'm a white, plus-sized, college-aged theatre dork who's getting one good grade in a creative writing class, and because of that I think I'm good enough to "make it big". And you know what they say, if I knew whoever the "they" that said this was, "If I can do it, you can too."

4. You Don't Have Time.

Okay I don't even have a reason to agree with this reason, I just have stuff to defend it, so, big oof.

Look. It's 2020. We've all been inside since March, and since our Government took the COVID-19 info away from the CDC and will probably make everything related to this population-destroying virus a big political game... well... we might be inside for the next 1-15 years at this rate.

On top of that, do you know how long it takes you to write something? How long does it take you to write a grocery list. Hm? 5 minutes? Well, what if, you made a "grocery list" of ideas that you personally could write about? Okay. If you can list the 15 types of coffee K-Cups and Ben and Jerry's pints you need to work through your anxiety and depression around COVID, I bet you can think of at least 3 things you could write an article about. Then, you use the rest of your week spending 5 minutes writing a little bit about the topic. So, at the end of the week, you have spend 35 minutes working on an article! You may need more time overall, but hey! You gotta start somewhere. So get off of TikTok, because I see you swiping through the For You page.

5. You Don't Know What You're Doing.

Fun fact, you negative Nelly that is still arguing with me while you're reading this article, no one knows what they're doing right now. The people who are making the COVID-19 regulations for schools opening in the fall don't quite know what they're doing. No one knows what they're doing. And although everything is slowly going back to normal, why don't you say that you attempted something besides learning how to do the renegade during your quarantine. Write an article about how learning the renegade has given you a new outlook on life, or something. Or if you're like me, and you're stuck on the Subway Surfer side of Tiktok, write about how you've memorized a portion of Gabbie Hanna's interview where she starts singing.

There's always an audience for the Tiktok tea.

Well, there's your reasons. So what're you waiting for? No one is going to live (or write,) your life for you, so what do you have to lose but time, self-esteem, and a deadbeat boyfriend? I'll keep writing with my slightly cynical but optimistic outlook, and you'll keep reading. So, send me a heart, and maybe a few dollars tip if you got it. (A girl's gotta pay tuition.) I can't wait to see what you write about, and I'll be sure to keep things funky and fresh on here.

With Love, (and an endless craving for pizza rolls),

MG