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Who am I

by Andrew Walters 3 months ago in self help

I am not what I seem.

Who am I
Photo by Christopher Campbell on Unsplash

You never know what someone is going through unless you step into their shoes for a day. Only then can you get a piece of what that person's mindset has to deal with. Only then do you realize the struggles that they face.

It's sometimes difficult to pinpoint the obstacles that any one person has to jump over to get through their day-to-day life. It's sad to say that a lot of times that person doesn't feel safe enough to share those feelings with others. "What if they laugh at me?" "What if they think I'm crazy?" It's mind-boggling to know that there are those thoughts in the world. Yet, nobody can do anything to help them. Some go to doctors about it to get help keeping it under control. What about those that don't trust anyone? They have nobody to talk to about it, and sometimes they take their life as a result. It's very heartbreaking to know that you can't help them.

Unfortunately, I am one of these people. One moment I can be very nice, caring about every individual as their own person. The next moment I can be jumping down someone's throat about something they said. By no means do I mean for it to happen. I have no control over it.

Sometimes, it can be a trigger that causes it. I have lost many friends because of it. Most of the time, I don't even remember it to be able to apologize for it. It hurts sometimes because people end up hating me for something that I can't control. Those are mainly the people that never get the chance to know me. Most of the time I have to tell myself that they weren't worth it anyway. Which to be honest, isn't wrong. So I guess you could say that it has pushed away a lot of fake people.

A lot of the time, what I have is confused with bipolar. The difference is that with what I have, I can't remember what I did to be able to apologize for it. That's probably what agitates me the most.

If I had to describe what it feels like, it would be a war constantly going on in my mind. The personality in control being the temporary winner. This is why I also have other mental problems such as neurological overloads and anxiety attacks. This happens when more than one personality is trying to take control at the same time. Sometimes it hurts my eyes. Other times it hurts my head and eyes.

I've been asked if there is a medication for it, but in a way, I would be lost without the personalities. They are a big part of my life. They have been with me all of my life. One of them protected me from my abusive stepfather. I still laugh about a time when a personality kicked him in the face. That was a funny moment and one that he deserved too.

I guess that the biggest thing I want you to get from this is to always try to understand what someone is going through. You might even be the one person that they can talk to about it. You might be the person who stops them from ending it all. I know that if it weren't for my family, I wouldn't be able to do my daily fight. I wouldn't be able to tolerate myself. It does get tough, but it always best to have someone to talk to about it. You never know, you might even get some laughs out of it. I and my sister laugh about mine all of the time.

self help
Andrew Walters
Andrew Walters
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Andrew Walters
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