Where Do You Go From Here

If you’re anything like me, then you might be reading this in either the early hours of the morning, sipping your only hot coffee of the day, or its the night hours, right after you put your babies to sleep. Although these are the hours where you should be catching up on your rest, it’s the only time you get to yourself. Among the new chaos in your life right now, this is the moment that has remained familiar and constant to you. The difference now, however, is that your brain is going a mile a minute with all the what if’s, should haves, could haves, and what happens next?

Whether this is a choice you have made for yourself, or a situation you were put into, the fears, worries, and even the pains are all the same. Not only are you running through the entire relationship, wondering where it all went wrong, but now you have to figure out how you are going to take care of your children in the process. If you’re lucky, your ex partner will continue to do their half of the work and that's one thing off your plate. But if your partner has decided to forfeit their portion of the responsibilities, this journey just got a whole lot more difficult.

I’m so sorry…

I’d like you to just sit with me for a minute. Close your eyes and take a deep breath, then open your eyes and come back. I promise I’ll still be here…

Are you back? How are you feeling? I know, not better, but I got your focus for the time being, right? Taking the time to be in this minute, right before you get to the next, is going to be the most important thing you can do for the time being.

In these next few months it’s going to be extremely chaotic. Your life completely changes now. You’ll have to restructure and reprioritize. You may even have to relocate and start all over. You’ll have to start thinking about your children’s future, potentially divorce, custody and child support. You’re going to have to double down on your finances and create a plan for child care. There's so much that you’re going to have to dive into. It’s overwhelming, I know.

We haven’t even gotten to the part where your heart is in emotional turmoil. There may even be a part of you at this point hoping that this is just temporary. The bleak hopefulness that things will turn around with your partner and you’ll be the happy family you so desperately wanted for you and your children.

Your mind is all over the place right now and I’m not going to tell you which direction to go. Not right now. You’re in survival mode and I’m not here to talk you down. You’re in no condition to take any advice and if you're anything like me, you probably don't want to hear it right now anyway. You just want your heart to stop hurting and you want that knot in your stomach to disappear. Girl, I get it…

As a single mother a few years deep, I’m here to tell you it does get better. I know, you can't process that right now so I’ll only dwell on this for a second. Just to give you some perspective and a little peace of mind. That woman you’ve suppressed for so long because you tried so hard to be something for somebody else? Yea, she’s being born right now. I know you don't believe that, and as hard as it is to imagine, I promise you it’s true. In this journey, you're going to learn self-discovery, self worth, and self love. On this journey, you’ll gain massive amounts of strength and resilience. You’re about to become the greatest version of yourself. Right now, it’s dark, it's cold, it's lonely and you're covered in so much dirt and mud. How could you possibly be great from down here? Because it’s right here where you find yourself. That climb up is going to be the hardest climb of your life, but you just wait until you get to the top.

Until then, focus on the minute you are in. Take this literally one minute at a time. Take another breath. Before you know it, the minutes will turn to hours, and the hors will become months. This journey never gets easier, but you will be so much stronger. Oh the things you will achieve, I promise you’ll surprise yourself every time.

You can do this!